Fall Into Me
by Dark Chyld713
Summary: John and Alaina are back and will stop at nothing as they try to overcome personal issues to find their way back into each others arms. Will they be able to make it work this time or was it never meant to be? Sequel to Lean On Me
1. On the Road Again

Randy Orton smiled as he stood at the end of the long arena hallway and laid eyes on Alaina Vasquez for the first time in two months. He watched on as she talked and laughed with a few of the backstage crew that she had befriended while she was on the road. It had never mattered that she was shorter than everyone around her. Somehow Alaina commanded the attention of the people that she was around in a wonderfully graceful type of way. People were automatically drawn to her when she finally opened up and let her personality shine through; and they were more than happy to oblige in handing the attention over to her as she rarely ever truly realized that she had the type of personality that automatically pulled in people's attention. Those who thought that she was stuck up or unwilling to talk to people were the ones that didn't understand just how shy Alaina was, or how she opened up with ease once given a small amount of time to get comfortable. Randy's smile seemed plastered on his face as he looked on with satisfaction. Alaina had not been out on the town with any friends in far too long. He had all but physically forced the now near full time recluse Alaina out of her house and backstage to the Unforgiven pay per view.

Normally he wasn't one to force a subject when someone adamantly refused, but RAW wasn't taking him anywhere near Alaina, and the way that she had avoided talking to him about her marriage or anything major was beginning to make Randy fill with worry for his dear friend. The only thing to do was to get her out of the house and in his sight so that he could gauge for himself how she was. No amount of phone calls or short reassurances that she was indeed fine could satisfy Randy anymore. She was avoiding talking about her separation from her husband. Something about her seemed off. Only seeing and hearing with his very own eyes and ears would satisfy his worry.

"Ally," he called to Alaina as he closed the space between them.

"Randall," Alaina smiled and hugged Randy tightly. She had always questioned why Randy had shown up at her office and apologized for getting things off on the wrong foot. He had never seemed like the type that would go out of their way to admit that they were wrong. But it was something in the way that he looked at her with the utmost concern, the way that he tried to stop by her job once every couple of weeks, and how he rarely let a day go by without talking to her that made Alaina stop questioning. He was the perfect amount of strength and gentle caring that she needed to get through the separation from Joe and adjusting to life without John. She had come to the conclusion that Randy was part of her life and he always would be, no matter what others thought or said.

"I hate that name," Randy replied in a serious tone despite the large smile on his face.

"And I hate Ally, so we're even. How are you?"

Randy sighed and backed up enough to take a long hard look at Alaina. She still looked the same on the outside. Her eyes were shining as she smiled up at him, and her face lit up, her cheekbones nearly touching her eyes as she hugged Randy. But there was something that wasn't right about her. Even though she smiled and laughed, she looked saddened and slightly dead inside

He shook his head clear of his thoughts and looked down into her eyes. "I would be a lot better if you would tell me what's going on with you. You've barely spoken to me in the last month. The woman that I can barely get to shut up has officially taken to avoiding conversations with me."

Alaina laughed and slap his arm lightly. "I am not hard to get to shut up. All you have to say is 'shut up Ally' and I will. But you never do so it's your fault Randal. And I've been busy; you know I would never avoid talking to you."

"How much weight have you lost?" The question escaped Randy's mouth before he realized exactly what the question implied. Randy was always very tactful and careful to avoid the questions that would offend women but looking at Alaina's thin frame he was overly concerned. At least concerned enough to bring up the one topic he knew never to broach with a woman, unless he wanted a fight.

"I don't know a few pounds. I need something to do now that I'm totally on my own. I hit the gym after work, it helps relieve tension and keep me busy."

"Ally, you've lost more than a few pounds," Randy corrected as he looked over Alaina's body

"Randy, do not start with me. I don't need to hear one more person talk to me about my weight. I do not need to worry about losing too much or not losing enough. I have had too many lectures lately, I don't want another one. Besides I look better than I have in years. I'm happy with how I look. Isn't that all that's supposed to matter?"

Randy nodded and smiled. "Yes that is all that matters, and you do look very good." Randy didn't want to say it, but it was true. Alaina was not skinny to the point of looking sick; she was just tight and toned everywhere. More than she was the last time that Randy had seen her. "I just want to make sure that you're taking care of yourself."

Alaina smiled and grabbed his hand as she started walking down the hallway. "Well my knight in shining armor, you will be happy to know that I have been taking care of myself and it's because my entire family is like you that I don't have a spare moment to myself. I have too many people worrying and wondering if I'm alright. I need someone to make me laugh and show me a good time."

Randy chuckled and squeezed her hand. "Well honey I am more than up for the challenge, but you need to come out of your house more often."

Alaina laughed. "I would if you had decided to come by more often Randall." Alaina looked at Randy long enough to see him smiling and shaking his head. She let herself fall into a comfortable silence as Randy led her through the back halls of the arena.

Her words to Randy were more than true. She had been smothered by her mother and siblings when she had broken the news that her marriage was officially going to be ending. Five weeks of non-stop family dinners and visits that she didn't want. Phone calls whenever she thought that she would have a spare minute to herself. She had finally agreed to visit Randy not because she needed to get out of the house, or to be "looked after" by one more person. She agreed to come for the visit because she needed time to breathe. She needed a friend to look at her and hold her, comfort her, and without saying a single word, make her feel like it was all going to be alright. In short what she honestly needed was John.

Randy felt Alaina stop short as they turned the corner. He looked down curiously and followed Alaina's line of sight to where John and Maria stood talking, laughing, holding each other. He sighed and stayed silent for a moment watching Alaina and the myriad of emotions that began to pass over her face.

"Harder than you thought it would be?" Randy finally asked as he watched her finally settle on a strange type of sadness he hadn't seen in her before.

Alaina only nodded and looked away before walking back to where she had come from. It wasn't the surprise that had gotten to her, or even the realization that it had been six months since they had been in the same area for more than five minutes together. She knew that John would be there, backstage, doing his job. She was certain that at one point she would run into him. She was, in fact, counting on it. There was so much that Alaina had worked out in her own mind over the last two months that she needed to tell John. Seeing John she could have handled, had he been on his own. Knowing that he was still together with Maria would have been easy enough to handle, had she not seen it for herself.

What had really thrown Alaina for a loop was the sad jealousy that had settled in the pit of her stomach. The weird way that her mind had seemed to demand that she lay Maria out flat and cry all at the same time. What had Alaina unable to look at John, was to see him so happy with her own eyes. She wanted him happy, she truly did. The thought of John being happy was what kept her sane during the day. Knowing that at least one of them was getting on with life, finding what they truly wanted. But finally seeing him without seeing that familiar spark of love and happiness that came to his eyes when they saw each other; to see that look being given to another woman; it was a truth that Alaina was not ready to handle. At least not in person.

"He's been waiting all week to see you," Randy spoke softly leaning against the wall where Alaina had stopped. "When he found out you were finally coming out I—I haven't seen him that happy since you were on the road with us."

Alaina sighed and wiped the few stray tears from her eyes. "Thanks Randall, I just don't think that I can do it."

"Ally if he knew that you and Joe split I'm sure that he'd-"

Alaina cut him off and shook her head. "Don't say it Randy. I don't want that to happen. I don't want a poor woman's heart to get broken because John thought that he saw something better on the other side. He went back to her for a reason and he has to see it through. We just aren't supposed to be together that's how it is."

Randy shook his head and grunted. "I don't know Ally, I think you should tell him."

"No Randy, he's happy with Maria and I can't ruin that. Joe was happy before he came back to me."

"_You _were happy before Joe went back to you. You were happy with John remember? You gave up the best thing you experienced in a long time to go back to a dead beat that left you alone, by yourself, to deal with grief, and heartache all on your own!"

"Don't do that Randall," Alaina spoke softly, her pain and love for Joe obvious and prominent in her tone. "Joe is a great man who made a mistake. I love him dearly and I always will. The only reason I'm not with him today is only because we're different now. We changed while we were apart and there was no fixing it. I couldn't take the blame for him leaving, and he couldn't take the blame for me not being there for him. I still talk to him every day. And he's been there holding my hand while I get over my marriage failing and losing the man that I fell in love with on the road."

"I'm sorry," Randy apologized and hugged Alaina. "I just don't like hearing you talk like you did before. You didn't make Joe unhappy and you don't deserve to feel that way. But you should talk to John. It'll be good for both of you."

Alaina hugged Randy a little tighter and sighed into his chest. He could make her feel so safe and warm in a heartbeat. Sure he was rough around the edges and said things before he could process what he was saying or their meaning. But Alaina loved to know that a man as caring and loyal as Randy was with her, trying to look out for her without over stepping the unspoken boundaries that Alaina had set.

"Not tonight Randall, I just want to have a bit of fun with you."

Randy pulled Alaina back to look at her and wiped a few tears from her eyes. He had learned very quickly that Alaina was the type that you fell in love with or loved fiercely as a friend for life. Her gentle way of making any problem seem surmountable, or the way that she constantly put other people's needs before her own; Randy loved this small woman standing in front of him. It hadn't taken long for him to see what had made John Cena fall madly in love with her. Every time that Alaina smiled and laughed Randy knew exactly what it was that had John hooked.

"Ok here's what I'm going to do _just _for you. Just to make you feel a little better about today. I'll take you down to the guys locker room and introduce you to Jeff Hardy." He watched as the smile on Alaina's face grew and her eyes widened in disbelief. He laughed and hugged Alaina close to him. "Try not to look so obvious when we go in there. You're supposed to work with these people and know that they aren't idols. You aren't supposed to get psycho fan happy and shocked."

"Are you kidding me? Randy he debuted before I started working for the company, _and _I have loved and followed his career for years. What am I supposed to do besides the hero worship thing?"

"Get to know him, like a real person, a friend even. You will be with me on the road for a week you'll be seeing quite a bit of him."

Alaina stepped in front of Randy as they walked towards the locker room nearly causing Randy to stumble. She leaned up on her tip toes and threw her arms around his neck and plant a long kiss on his lips.

"Thank you so much," she finally spoke after pulling away from Randy.

"For what?" Randy asked confused. He didn't put much weight into the kiss; it was far too friendly to mean anything else besides thank you. The action in itself did confuse him though. Alaina was never the type to impulsively display her feelings like that.

"Being great enough to just be a friend." She smiled and continued down the hall as if what she had just done were totally natural.

Randy smirked and shook his head. Alaina was most certainly going to keep him on his toes.

"Don't you think you should wait for me before you get lost? I don't think you'll be able to find Hardy, or meet him without me," Randy called after her taking a few long strides to catch up with her.

John leaned against the wall and sighed. He had been looking forward to seeing Alaina all week long. Their last meeting had been painful and hard. But John thought that they could get past that point. He missed having her to talk to. No one could read him as easily as Alaina could, it always seemed like she had a telepathic ability and could read his thoughts and emotions before he could begin to even think about voicing them. The comfort that she brought to him was unrivaled and greatly missed.

What he hadn't counted on was how close Alaina and Randy had gotten. He shook his head. She looked so good and so happy wrapped up in Randy's arms. And it began to cut John deeper than he had ever believed that it could. He was no longer the man that Alaina came searching for when she was feeling down and out. John was no longer the man that made her laugh and helped her through her hard times.

He cursed softly under his breath and swallowed back a few tears. He had been so caught up in making things with Maria work that he had completely cut Alaina out. The last time they had talked was when they were in her office. He had promised her that if they got their chance that it would be forever lasting. And he meant every word that he had told her in that office. His heart had been broken all over again simply walking away from her that day without taking her with him. But John had not taken the time out of one single day in two months to try and call her. He had not tried to find out where he stood in her heart or where he fit into her life. The assumption that he would constantly be the first person that she wanted to run to had been blown up in his face.

"Baby, what are you thinking about?" Maria leaned her head on John's broad back and slid her arms around his waist.

John forced a smile and laid his hands on top of her arms. "I was just watching Randy and Alaina."

"Alaina? The assistant that you had for that month?"

John nodded and his smile became genuine. "Yupp that's her. She helped me get a lot of things straightened out. Helped bring me back to you."

Maria kissed John's shoulder and smiled. "I'll have to meet her and thank her then. So when are you going to talk to her? You should go and say hi."

John sighed and shook his head. "I don't want to interrupt the two of them. Randy looked pretty happy with her. You know how he gets when people interrupt him with the ladies."

Maria laughed and slapped John's shoulder. "I thought Randy had a fiancé?"

John chuckled and stood up straight letting go of Maria's arms and walking out of her grasp. "When has that ever stopped Randy?" He said, the edge in his voice unmistakable as he walked away leaving Maria confused.

The truth was, he could fake his happiness with Maria, and he could tell himself that he loved Maria more than anything else; until he saw the familiar deep brown eyes and piercing gaze of Alaina. The smile on her face was directed at someone else and it made John slightly nauseous. And the very thought that Alaina had moved on and started a relationship with Randy made every ounce of his blood boil. No matter how unrealistic the possibilities were.

John shook his head and kept his fists clenched tightly by his side. Alaina would never take up with a man nearly married. She would not even entertain the idea of her and John until she was certain that her marriage was fully over. As far as John knew the marriage was going well, so there was little to no chance that Randy and Alaina did indeed have a relationship going on.

Still the small chance that he did play out in his mind made John go just a bit crazy. He hadn't seen Alaina in months and every time he did see her there seemed to be some change in her, something that made her seem all the more beautiful to John. He wasn't operating under that whole "if I can't have her then no one can", but the idea that Randy had moved in where he was once so happy made John sick and go stir crazy.

John ran through the backstage area looking for Randy. He would be the only with answers on Alaina and all the unanswered questions that were plaguing John.

"Orton," John called down the hall to the retreating figure of Randy. "Orton, man, wait up a second."

Randy turned around and watched John rush over to him. "Man, you could have just caught me in the locker room, or the gorilla position we're in the same match. Why are you running around here like some hyper twelve year old?"

"What's going on with you and Alaina?" John blurted out quickly watching Randy's face for a sign of guilt or acknowledgement of their relationship to pass over him.

"What do you mean?" Randy asked confused with John at the moment.

"I saw you talking to her before, in the hallway."

"So what is it that you want to know?"

John ran his hand through his hair trying to slow down the beating of his heart and the rage that was quickly building up inside of him. "Don't play me Orton, what is going on with you and her?"

"Nothing at all," Randy answered with a simply shrug. "Why?"

"I saw the two of you kissing man. Just tell me what is going on with you and her."

Randy sighed and shook his head. "I already told you nothing was going on and I meant that. I wouldn't play around on Sam. And I certainly wouldn't bring Alaina into the middle of it if I were going to."

"Randy," John spoke seriously and quietly. "I saw how the two of you look at each other what is going on with you two?"

"Cena, you're protective and you miss her, I get that but don't come looking to me for what you want to know. Alaina is a friend nothing more, nothing less. We've gotten real tight these last few months. She needs to have someone there for her with everything going down around her."

John looked at Randy with a questioning glance. "Like what?"

Randy shook his head and put his hands up. "No, I'm not doing this anymore. You want to know about Alaina you need to ask her. If there's one thing I know about her it's that she'll rip me to shreds if she found out I was talking about her business."

"Orton this is me you're talking to."

Randy nodded and smirked. "I know who I'm talking to man. And you used to be that guy that knew it all about her and that could pin point her problem within the second. What you have to get used to, is that you aren't that guy John. You walked away from her and even after you saw her in the office you haven't called her. How many times has she tried to call you?"

John hung his head and stared at the floor. "It was just so hard to do. I would stare at the phone and just wonder what she would say to me, if we would get even closer than we were before. I would spend so much time obsessing and worrying over how things would be, how they might end up that I never picked up the phone. I couldn't do it Randy," John whispered so quietly.

Randy looked at John and shifted around uncomfortably. If this were a woman he would have her in his arms holding her, comforting her and trying his best to turn it around it a nice night of bed time activities. But this was not a woman, this was John, a man, his best friend. Comforting John came awkwardly.

"Perk up man, she's happy that you're with Maria. She wants you to be happy. Don't be so down, you're in love with Maria and you have a great relationship with her."

John nodded and kept his eyes on the floor. "Yeah, I know. Where is she? Is she around?" John asked finally lifting his head up to meet Randy's eyes.

Randy shook his head and gave a deep sigh at the look of disappointment on John's face. "She was having a great time backstage then she tells me that she needs to go sit down, so she went to find her seat."

John shuffled his feet as he ran a hand over his short brown hair. Nothing was going the way that he wanted it to go. The first sight of Alaina in months and it was seeing her attached to Randy at the lips. Whether or not it was platonic or meant to be anything more than that was irrelevant. John was supposed to see Alaina and have her run into his open arms. He was supposed to leave Maria behind after telling her that he couldn't possibly go on with the way his life was for much longer. He wanted Alaina back in his life, and tonight was supposed to be the night that he was going to tell her.

"I just don't get it. I don't get any of this. She shows up backstage after months of not being around and she doesn't want to come see me?"

Randy shrugged, he knew that John was beginning to get angry and he felt for his friend. However there was nothing that he could do or say without breaking Alaina's trust. The more hands that got involved in the relationship between the two would only cause it to end in further disaster.

"Look man," Randy began in a firm tone. "She's been through hell and back whatever her reasons are you need to respect that."

John looked up sharply at Randy's tone of voice, shocked that his friend, once so against John having anything to do with Alaina was jumping to defend her.

"I know what she's been through Orton. I was the one that helped her through most of it. I was there when all of this got to be too much for her," John stated waving his large arms around. "I spent too many nights with her while she cried or talked to me until there was nothing left to say." Pointing a finger in Randy's face John stepped a bit closer until their bodies were almost touching. "You do not need to tell me what she's been through. I was there in the beginning."

Randy drew in a long deep breath trying to control every muscular impulse to shove John away from him. His best friend was a hot head, and sometimes too immature to see anything else but what was right in front of him at that very moment in time. He would be too blinded by anger to grasp hold of anything else. They were two peas in a pod. They were meant to be wonderful friends, and fight often. And the last thing that Randy wanted was a fight.

"And I was there for the end. I saw her heartbroken over you," Randy said quietly backing up until the heat from John's body began to dissipate. "I know that it's rough for you but you have to pull it together. I'm not here to fight with you Cena. Go back to your girl and give her a nice long kiss and calm yourself down."

"I'm sorry man, I shouldn't have—you didn't do anything for me to—"

Randy held his hand up and smirked at John. "It's nothing, don't worry about it. We all go a little crazy."

John nodded and fell silent. There was so much that he wanted to say out loud. He needed to admit that his want for Alaina had been growing stronger over time instead of diminishing. He needed to tell someone the truth. Maria didn't' make him feel that spark that he used to feel. Sure she was a wonderful, beautiful, talented, intelligent woman; but she was that entire woman that John just didn't want. He wanted to be able to tell Alaina that the fear of being alone at night; the thought of the haunting silence that would envelope his hotel room when the lights went out consistently brought tears to his eyes. It was only that fear that was keeping John tied to Maria. He and Maria had begun to make the perfect couple, and it was making him sick.

"Why doesn't she want to see me?" John finally asked. He had known that was why Alaina had ran off to her seat, even if Randy was trying to spare his feelings by not telling him that little fact. They may not have spoken in months but John still knew Alaina all too well to be fooled by anything.

"It's hard for her John. It's a lot to face. She has to see you with Maria, hear about you and Maria. Any person would have a hard time being cool under that kind of stress."

John let out a small scream as his foot connected with the nearest wall. He needed a punching bag, or a set of weights in his hands at the moment. He needed something to keep his large muscular body from going on a rampage. Looking around John realized that giving anything within the vicinity an undeserving punch would only end in a few broken knuckles he clenched his fists repeatedly as he raked his hands repeatedly through his hair.

"I gotta go get ready," Randy said finally as he watched John pace the width of the narrow arena hallway. "I know that this is hard, but you need to go cool off somewhere. I'm telling you, find your girl, take a look in her eyes and give her a long hard kiss." Randy clapped a hand on John's shoulder and gave a few pats. "Hey don't give up, she'll be around for a week, she can't avoid you the entire time."

John gave a short nod and mumbled affirmation as he watched Randy disappear around the corner of the hallway. Randy was right, Alaina wouldn't be able to avoid John for very long. Especially not since he was determined to find her and have a long talk with her. And John Cena was a man that always got what he wanted when he set his mind to it.

With a small smirk John went to his dressing room. Alaina would be around after the show and he would be sure to catch her then.

* * *

**OK so here it is the first installment in the sequel to the Alaina and John story lol... **

**Now just for notes this is going to be a little darker than Lean On Me so just be prepared for that. **

**Anyway hope that you enjoyed and let me know what you thought...yupp that's right just look down a bit further and hit that review button :)**

**Thanks and hope to hear from you soon and trust me you'll be hearing from me soon too **


	2. This Is What We'll Do

Alaina sat in the dark hotel room alone and reveled in the feeling of being alone. She was sick of having people staring over her shoulder watching her every movement. Forcing her to eat, to sleep, to keep up with daily activities that she had no real interest in. It was an amazing feeling to be able to sit peacefully and think over everything that her life had become. She would be able to let out a few tears, smile over the memories, and take the time to place exactly where her feelings with John fell into her life.

With a sigh Alaina grabbed her new iPOD and wasted no time in throwing on her headphones and turning on her music. Everything had gone wrong today. She could only be happy that Randy wasn't acting just as overbearing and controlling as the rest of her family was. Otherwise she might still be trying to think of reasons as to why she wasn't able to meet John for lunch or dinner at anytime during her weeklong stay.

_John sat by the backstage exit with the hood of his hoodie all the way up and effectively hiding his face. He knew that everyone was always tired after shows, or too caught up in catching up on their personal lives that no one would pay much attention to him. He would be able to sit in the corner unnoticed until the need came about; that was why he had chosen that precise spot._

_Alaina was hiding out in the front trying to give Randy enough time to get ready to leave before she made her way backstage. It was only a matter of time before she had to make an appearance by the exit. And John would sit and wait patiently. He had waited two months for this moment; another half hour would not faze him. _

_Alaina looked at her watch and sighed. The show had ended a half hour ago and Randy and John's match had been over for at least forty minutes or so. Even still her heart was still racing just from seeing John walk down that entrance ramp and perform in the ring. Nothing would have ever been able to prepare her for what looking John straight in the eyes would do to her. The familiar butterflies once more seemed to erupt in the pit of her stomach. What she saw in his eyes though was what broke her heart at that very moment. _

_He had been so shocked to see her sitting there cheering him on that he had let his guard down. And for a fleeting moment Alaina was able to see just how hurt and disappointed he was that she hadn't sought him out to say hello. They had claimed to be on their way to being friends only to avoid one another at whatever the cost. Alaina had told John that they would always be friends, that she would always love him; and staring at John she knew that he was questioning why she had run to her seat before going to see and talk him. _

_With a heavy sigh Alaina stood up and began to make her way backstage. Randy could always turn into a bit of a prim Donna when he was tired, and waiting around for people was on the top of the list that would send him into complaining mode. This was the last place that Alaina wanted to be. John had locked eyes with her and told her that soon enough she would have to face him, all with one simple look. It was one of the things that she loved about John. His eyes held his emotions, no matter the time, or the emotion. She could see straight into the heart of him through his expressive, beautiful blue eyes. Nothing could be more uncomfortable or emotionally raw for Alaina than walking backstage and risking running into John. _

_A quick trip to the locker room presented Alaina with her biggest fear. Randy wasn't ready and she would have to wander the backstage halls by herself until he was ready to leave. Finally deciding to wait by the exit Alaina leaned against the door and closed her eyes and sighed. It had been a long and confusing day. She was ready to crawl into the hotel bed and sleep until noon. _

_"I was beginning to wonder if you ducked out the other way just to avoid me."_

_Alaina turned to the voice already knowing who was sitting in the corner looking as if they were ready to fall asleep where they were. _

_"Hi John," She said quietly staring at her shoes. She knew what she would find in his eyes, and her tired body couldn't handle that. _

_"How are you Al?" John asked dropping his hood and walking over to her. _

_"I'm doing pretty __good__," she answered with a nervous nod of her head. "Work is still a bit of a killer but I can't complain about anything really." She shuffled her feet nervously and with a clear of her throat forced the conversation forward. "How are you? You and Maria are doing well I assume?"_

_John cringed at the mention of Maria and stuffed his hands in his pockets as he studied Alaina. She refused to look at him and it was bothering him. _

_"We are doing well," he answered. "Al, you need to look at me. You can't just stare at the floor the whole time that I am standing here talking to you."_

_"Wanna bet?"_

_John gave a small laugh and lifted her head. "Why were you avoiding me? Do you know how much of a shock it was for me to see you sitting out there with a big smile on and cheering for me?"_

_Alaina shrugged and lifted her eyes to John's. "You're the fan favorite, gotta cheer for the fan favorite," she said quietly. _

_"I miss you Al; I am so glad that you came on the road."_

_"I'm only around for a week. Randy wanted me to spend some time out of the house and away from work. He seems to be under the impression that I'm too stressed and need a break from life."_

_"What would have you stressed?"_

_Alaina shrugged and stared past John to the wall. There were so many ways to answer that question. Joe had left, her family was beginning to drive her insane, the loneliness and worthlessness that she felt on a daily basis threatened to consume her whole life, and John the man who had vowed to be by her side whatever the reason had all but abandoned her. All of it had her stressed out and wishing that she were someone else. But none of it could come out of her mouth. She couldn't put that all on John the first time that she saw him. They weren't the best of friends anymore. They didn't call each other all hours of the __night to talk and laugh away their problems. John had Maria and the two were obviously very much in love. Alaina had no right going to John with anything that she felt._

_"He's just assuming that's all. I'm happy and no more stressed than anyone else that works for this crazy company," she answered forcing a smile and trying to keep the conversation light. _

_"Still being the strong girl huh Al?"_

_Alaina let a genuine smile pass over her lips and nodded. "Some things just never change Johnny boy."_

_The nickname had passed through her lips before it even registered in her brain. The pain that it sent through her body was a shock. A simple nick name was not supposed to invoke such strong emotions. But somehow it did. Alaina wanted to be back at the beginning. Back where they were six months ago when they could sit with each other till dawn, hold each other and make their problems disappear underneath a blanket of strength and security. _

_"Could you just uh—just tell Randy that I'm taking my car back to the hotel and I'll meet him there?" Alaina said all but running through the door to the outside._

_"You can't run forever Alaina," John called into the brisk night air as he quickened his stride slightly to catch up to Alaina who was nearly sprinting to her car._

_Alaina shook her head and stopped where she stood. She would hate to admit that John was right, that she knew exactly what she was doing but that didn't change the fact that John was right. _

_"I am not running__ I just want to get back to the hotel. I've been travelling all day and I'm exhausted," she rationalized not bothering to turn around to look at John who was now standing right behind her._

_"Who are you kidding Al? You think this doesn't hurt me too? I saw it in your eyes when you called me 'Johnny Boy'. I know what it did to you, you know why? Because it did it to me too, that's why. No one else can call me that; I make sure that they don't. It always brings up your face, and that beautiful smile," John gave a small smile as he caressed Alaina's face. "All I can think of or see in my mind is you sitting next to me, laughing, joking, __talking__ to me. This is hard for me too."_

_Alaina shook her head and backed away from John's gentle touch. The last thing that she wanted to do was cry and hearing all that John had to say was quickly bringing about the urge to let all the pain and tears go._

_"I'm sorry, I need to go," she said quietly turning from him once more and heading the rest of the way to her car._

_"Can I see you sometime this week? I want to talk, get some things straightened out."_

_Alaina turned to John's voice and the look of near desperation that was etched on his face. "I don't think so John. I have my week pretty much planned out and booked. I'm working from the road a lot, and then I have a few things planned to catch up with a few friends."_

_"I don't matter? Come on Al, there has to be some time in there for me."_

_Alaina shook her head as she searched her purse for the keys to the rental car. "Sorry John, I don't think so. You are usually always busy, and I'm busy too. It just won't work."_

_Alaina ignored the frustrated growl that came from John and turned to face him one more time before leaving. "Take care of yourself John. And take care of __Maria,__ I hear she's a good woman. She deserves to be treated like a queen, all women do."_

_John was lost for words as he watched Alaina climb in the car and drive away. He had seen her but she hadn't let him say what he wanted. She had run off before any meaningful words were said. But he couldn't blame her. Months of ignoring her, and then trying to be smacked in the face with feelings that hadn't been broached in months; John could understand why Alaina had run. _

Alaina sighed and sank further into the oversized chair in the hotel room. Her mind and body were both physically exhausted but somehow here she was, hours after running into John still wide awake with sleep too far out of her reach to believe that it would come to her anytime soon.

Randy laid his hand on the door handle and took a deep breath before going in. He and John had talked for hours after the show. John needed a sounding board after the fiasco with Alaina. Truthfully Randy was more worried about Alaina's well being rather than John's. John had Maria to head back to; Alaina had been sitting by herself in the hotel room for hours. John may have been frustrated with the way his conversation with Alaina turned out, but Randy knew that sitting in the room was a heartbroken woman who would never admit to it.

The sound that greeted Randy surprised him greatly. He had heard from John about Alaina's singing. Some days it was all that John talked about. How her voice had gotten to the deepest parts of him, and stayed with him. Even after Alaina left and the two had lost touch John would sit with his eyes closed, claiming that he was listening to Alaina sing once more. But Randy had come to believe that John had greatly exaggerated the magic of her voice.

As he stood at the entrance to the dark hotel room the voice was soft and sweet. It seemed to flow seamlessly from note to note, but even so there was nothing to remarkable about it from Randy's perspective, at least not at first. He listened closely to the words coming from Alaina and knew that she was somehow releasing the pain and stress from her run in with John.

_Time to tell me the truth_

_To burden your mouth for what you say_

_No pieces of paper in the way_

_Cause I can't continue pretending to choose_

_The opposite sides on which we fall_

_The loving you later__'__s if at all_

_No right minds could wrong be this many times_

_My memory is cruel_

_I__'__m queen of attention to details_

_Defending intentions if he fails_

_Until now, he told me her name_

_It sounded familiar in a way_

_I could have sworn I'd heard him say it ten thousand times_

_If only I had been listening_

Randy sat back and listened to her smooth voice become just a bit stronger, surprised greatly by the silky, nearly seductive tone that Alaina's voice was taking on. It had only begun to become a possibility that maybe John wasn't fully exaggerating the ability of Alaina's voice as she began to sing the chorus of the song just a bit louder and stronger.

_Leave unsaid unspoken_

_Eyes wide shut unopened_

_You and me_

_Always between the lines_

_Between the lines_

_I thought I thought I was ready to bleed_

_That we'd move from the shadows on the wall_

_And stand in the center of it all_

_Too late two choices to stay or to leave_

_Mine was so easy to uncover_

_He'd already left with the other_

_So I've learned to listen through silence_

_Leave unsaid unspoken_

_Eyes wide shut unopened_

_You and me be_

_You and me always be_

_I tell myself all the words he surely meant to say_

_I'll talk until the conversation doesn't stay on_

_Wait for me I'm almost ready_

_When he meant let go_

_Leave unsaid unspoken_

_Eyes wide shut unopened_

_You and me_

_Always be_

_You and me_

_Always between the lines_

Randy leaned against the wall blown away by what he had just heard. The woman did not even reach five feet tall but the power that he heard coming from her voice was unbelievable. It wasn't simply that Alaina could carry a tune or hold a few notes it was the soul which she put into it. Her heart had been poured into every word that left her mouth. Her face was etched with passion, purpose and emotion that seemed to come busting out of her. John had been right about everything that he had said about Alaina.

"How are you Ally?" Randy asked walking fully into the room as he saw Alaina begin to get a far away expression on her face.

Alaina jumped and turned to face the one man that seemed to be keeping her together lately. "When did you get here Randall?"

Randy smiled and shrugged. "I walked in a few minutes ago. You were pretty wrapped up in that song of yours." He watched as Alaina blushed and tried to curl up into a small little ball hoping to disappear into the couch. "John used to tell me all the time that I needed to hear you sing, that it was amazing, and that it did something to you deep down."

Alaina laughed and shook her head. "John says a lot of things that aren't exactly true."

"Ally, I think this time John was pretty right. You definitely know how to bring out the emotions inside. And when it comes out in you it tends to bring it out in other people."

Alaina looked out at the window for a long while before turning back to Randy. "So why'd you stop by?" she asked with a smile on her face.

"I heard about the little run in with John, and I wanted to know how you were feeling."

Alaina sighed and looked down at her hands as she thought through her answer. She was feeling a range of emotions after seeing John. She simply wasn't sure which emotion was the strongest as of that moment.

"I'm a little confused by it all. I don't really know how to feel about it. He told me that he was having a hard time with this whole situation and I just don't know if I can really believe that."

"Why is it hard to believe? He doesn't know that you aren't with Joe anymore, he has no idea that you've been trying to get to talk to him to work things out. He still thinks that you want a friendship with him."

"Randy, he was the one that told me that he wanted me in his life no matter what. That he wouldn't just forget about me. But the minute that I tell him that I want my marriage to work he walks out on me, and when I see him again he says we're friends only to ignore me. How is it hard for him?"

Randy sighed and sat in front of Alaina pulling her hands into his. "I know that you are hurt by his actions. Yes he left you alone; yes he went to Maria and put everything into her. And I can see how that can make you jealous, especially after he vows that he's going to be your friend. But here's the thing that you aren't taking into account," he paused as he took a breath and stared straight into Alaina's eyes. "John is madly in love with you. He was madly in love with you when you put him aside to work on you and Joe, and he couldn't take it. Honestly I don't know what man really can. He wants to love you Ally. He wants to be able to talk to you like a friend again. _You _have to be the one to give him a chance now. Let him say his piece. If you think he's full of crap and you never want to see him again at least you know that you heard him out."

"Why are you suddenly sticking up for him Randall? You've never pushed me to hear him out before. What changed your mind?"

Randy cleared his throat and looked down at the floor. "I had a late dinner with Cena and we talked. He talked to me about you. We had a real long talk and I think he deserves a chance to be heard."

Alaina shook her head and stood up from her chair. "I know that you're playing devil's advocate because he's your friend and you want to see him happy, but I don't think I can do this. He's with Maria and she makes him happy. I'm not going to even try and interfere in that in any way."

"Ally, I'm saying this as a dear friend trying to get you to do what's best. Get over yourself." Randy's deep laugh reverberated through the hotel room as he watched the shock pass over Alaina's face. "No one is saying to interfere in their relationship or that you even can. What I am telling you to do is hear him out. Talk to John, listen to what he has to say and see if you can't reach some sort of common ground."

Alaina sighed and plopped down on the bed. "I don't know how I'm supposed to do that. I can't just call him out of the blue and say 'hey I've been avoiding you but now I want to go to dinner so we can talk'. That's if he even picks up his phone. I mean he hasn't picked up the phone for me in months."

Randy pulled Alaina up into a hug and ran his fingers through her hair. Part of having a functional relationship with her was learning very quickly exactly what ways helped to calm her down and keep her rational. It hadn't taken long to see that once Alaina got over emotional things got ugly and very fast.

"Just stay calm honey there's no reason to get upset. I know exactly what we're going to do."

"What are we going to do?" Alaina asked muffled against Randy's chest. She had felt so safe in his arms whenever he held her. She loved Randy as another member of her family.

"You and I are going to go out with John and Maria for dinner, and you are going to sing for him."

"What?" Alaina's head shot up from Randy's chest in an instant. "You want us—me—we—what?"

Randy laughed at the expression on Alaina's face and pulled her flush against him once more. "You heard me Ally. Trust me on this it's going to be great," he said finally with more confidence in his voice than he felt.

"Randy, I already told John that I had no free time this week. I'm trying to keep away from him."

"Ally honey I know that you are, and I'm telling you it's a bad idea. We're going to go out with them, and you are going to sing and it's going to be brilliant. You trust me don't you?" He waited until he saw the uncertain nod from her head and gave a small nod in return. "Good, then it's settled, this week we're going out with the two of them. It'll be fine," he assured one more time hoping that he would somehow be right.

Randy knew that Maria could get a bit catty when she felt that someone was moving in on her man. Maria was in no way insecure, but she was protective of what was hers. And the natural chemistry between John and Alaina would almost certainly cause some problems.

But Randy knew that if he could get Alaina to sing like she had before, John would let everything else fade away and let her know just how in love with Alaina he truly was. And he was going to concentrate on getting John and Alaina to talk and not on how Maria would react.

This would work, it had to work. It would be the beginning on the long road to reconciliation between his two friends.


	3. Gravity

Alaina sighed as she paced the small length of the hotel room once more. Ever since Randy had told her that they were going to dinner with John and Maria that night she hadn't been able to sit still. Whenever she sat her legs screamed at her to get up and move. Her heart beat hard inside her chest until she was certain that it was going to burst right out of her. Nothing had served to calm her down. Alaina had spent the entire afternoon in the gym, and even though all of her limbs felt like spaghetti and she had stopped to vomit before going at it once again, she was still pacing back and forth.

Nothing about the night seemed right to her. How was she supposed to go to dinner and have anything but a terrible time watching John and Maria snuggle up next to each other? And how exactly was she supposed to pull off the little stunt of singing that Randy wanted her to do? Especially when all she could feel was the urge for her stomach to turn itself inside out and fly up and out of her throat.

The knock at the door sent Alaina's heart racing and her hands began to shake as she reached for the door handle to open the door. Nothing would be able to make her any more comfortable or ready for the night in any way.

Pulling it open to reveal a very relaxed Randy Orton Alaina gave a sigh of relief and let him in.

"I thought you would be showing up with John or something," she confessed looking at him wringing her hands nervously.

"He and Maria are meeting us at the bar. Are you ready to go?"

Alaina shook her head and resumed her pacing once more. "How can I be ready to go Randy? I've been thinking about this all day, and I know you didn't tell me earlier because I would find some way to get out of it or obsess over it but I can't do it. I simply cannot do it. You want me to sit down and act happy and relaxed and I can't do that. I mean, you had to drag me out of the gym to shower and get ready. I was in that place for nearly five hours and I still can't sit still."

Randy grabbed Alaina gently by the shoulders and gave her a reassuring smile. "Trust me Ally, I don't think that you are going to have to do much work. I told John you agreed to have dinner and he nearly jumped through the ceiling while celebrating, that's how happy he was. He wants to spend time with you."

Alaina finally gave in to the need to sit and rest her tired body and sank down onto her bed. Tears pooled in her eyes as she stared down at the floor. "Randall this has nothing to do with whether or not I want to see John again. I want to see John all day every day. I want to wake up next to him and go to sleep knowing that he's right next to me. I want to spend time with him. But how can I look at him and not feel heartbroken? How can I sit across the table from him and talk to him as if nothing has ever happened between us, because I'm pretty certain that Maria knows nothing about John and me. How am I supposed to do this Randy?"

Randy sat on the bed next to Alaina. He was surprised to say the least by her sudden reaction to the whole dinner idea. He knew that she would have a slightly difficult time going through with his plan but he hadn't expected Alaina to be this conflicted about all of it.

"I guess I underestimated your feelings for him huh?" he asked as he placed a comforting arm around her. "I just thought that after all these months it might be slightly easier to see him and talk to him."

Alaina leaned back and put her head on Randy's shoulder. "Seeing him again just brings up everything that I felt for him, everything that went unresolved and everything that I wish I had with him right at this moment. How is it that I finally let go of things with Joe to work on things with John only to see that he's happily with another woman?"

"Life sucks and screws us all over at one point or another."

Alaina laughed and shook her head. "Always the eternal optimist, Randall. How does Sam put up with you?"

Randy chuckled and shrugged his large shoulders. "She's an angel, that's the only thing that I can think of that explains it."

Alaina sighed and patted Randy's large thigh. "Alright enough of the sappy stuff, I know you're getting sick of it. Let's get out of here and I promise I will be on my very best behavior."

Randy held Alaina back a moment as she tried to stand up from the bed. "Hey, I know that this is going to be incredibly hard for you so I'm thanking you in advance for doing this for me. And I have one more request. Focus on me. You don't have to look at John or talk to John if you don't want to. You just keep those pretty brown eyes on me and I'll walk you through the whole evening."

Alaina smiled and placed a small kiss on Randy's lips. "Thank you."

Randy gave her a quick hug and stood up, pulling Alaina up with her. "Ok now let's go have some fun."

Alaina's nervous twitching on got worse as she walked in the bar to find John relaxed in his seat with Maria pulled close by his side. The loving eyes that Maria was giving John made it obvious to anyone around that the two were desperately in love. She gave a small smile as she felt Randy give her hand a gentle squeeze.

John stood up as he saw Randy and Alaina approaching hand in hand. The familiar tinge of jealous began to stir in the pit of his stomach as he saw the reassuring smiles and gentle actions pass between the two. He knew that Randy would never make a move on Alaina but it didn't change anything. Randy was doing what John was supposed to be doing. Alaina should be comfortable around him, not looking to hang on to Randy for support.

"Hi guys, glad that you decided to come," John greeted as they reached the table. He shook hands with Randy and gave an uncertain smile at Alaina resisting the strong urge to wrap her up in his arms. He turned to Maria and gently pulled her up. "Maria this is my very good friend Alaina, Al this is Maria."

Alaina smiled and extended her hand to Maria. "It's nice to meet you."

"It's so nice to meet you too. John had said so much about you. He practically talked all night long about you when he found out that we would all be going out to dinner together."

Alaina gave a shocked look as she stared at Maria and how excited the tall, leggy brunette seemed to be about meeting her. "Well John and I had a bit of fun when we were travelling together. He's a great friend," Alaina finally responded feigning the excitement and pleasure of being at dinner with them.

"Why don't we sit down and get some drinks huh?" Randy said kindly pulling Alaina's hand out of Maria's and sitting her down right across from John. "You seemed kind of frozen there," he whispered to Alaina as he leaned back in his chair and made himself comfortable.

Alaina shrugged and put on a smile as she leaned back in her chair as well.

"So what exactly is this place?" Alaina asked breaking the silence that was settling over the quartet.

"A little place that I discovered with Sam not too long ago, while she was travelling with me. It's a piano bar. Really relaxed and quaint, and the best part is that tonight is karaoke night. It's not as bad or cheesy as some other karaoke bars, it's a lot of fun and some really cool talented people have some fun singing."

Alaina looked at Randy's mischievous expression and immediately shook her head. "Oh no Randall, it is not happening, don't you even think about it."

"What? I didn't say anything at all," Randy grinned and winked at Alaina.

"No," she said firmly one more time crossing her arms over her chest and shaking her head for emphasis.

Maria looked on amused and bumped John's shoulder. "Can you make out what they're talking about?"

John waited until Alaina finally met his eyes and smiled. "Yes I can. Randy here wants Alaina to get up there and sing, and Alaina suffering from a crippling case of stage fright is refusing."

Maria turned to look at Alaina and gave a kind smile. "Alaina you sing?"

"It's a hobby, an amusement, nothing that would ever get me paid or start up a career," Alaina answered looking between Randy and John. "I'm nothing special; Randy is just trying to embarrass me."

John leaned forward and stared intently at Alaina. "You know that isn't true. You could make it a career and a successful one at that if you really wanted to."

Maria kept her smile on her face as she watched John move in closer to Alaina. The look of admiration on his face was making Maria uncomfortable. "John, honey, what do you say you get us a couple of drinks?"

John nodded at Maria's request but didn't move. He leaned in a bit closer to Alaina and kept her eyes locked with his. "I miss your voice Al, you have to sing, sing for me," he whispered before he stood up and smiled at Maria. "What would you like baby?"

Alaina cleared her throat and stood up right after John. "I'm going to head to the bathroom really quick. I'll be right back," she said looking and Randy as she forced a smile while Maria gave her drink order to John.

Randy grabbed her hand and looked up at her misty eyes. "Ally."

"I'm fine, I just need to use the bathroom, I promise."

Randy watched as Alaina sped off to the bathroom and dropped his head. He knew that it would be hard for Alaina, he didn't think though that it would affect her this much.

"Randy," Maria called his name dropping the perky tone from her voice. She watched as Randy rounded his eyes on her. "What is going on between those two?"

"I don't know what you're talking about Maria."

Maria leaned forward and checked to make sure that John was still sitting at the bar getting their drinks. "Don't play stupid with me Randy. What is going on between Alaina and John? I want the truth and you're going to give it to me."

Randy gave Maria a steely glare and leaned forward until the two were practically nose to nose. "Honey I know how you can be when you think someone is trying to move in on your man and I applaud it, I really do, I think it's great, but you need to pull your claws in and rethink that attitude of yours because I am not going to sit here and take it. Now don't you think you'd know if John had something going on behind your back? And have you ever seen Alaina around before now? John and Alaina are friends and I suggest you leave it alone before you upset John over your petty jealousy."

"Petty jealousy? Did you see how they were looking at each other?"

Randy leaned back in his chair and smirked at Maria. "He's in your bed at night isn't he? Let it go."

Maria huffed and sat back in her chair. She knew that she should listen to Randy, but something didn't sit right with her. She needed the truth and it seemed like Randy wasn't telling the truth.

John and Alaina came back at the same time and smiled at each other as they sat back in their seats. The two wanted to say so much to each other but couldn't decide where to start.

"How is Joe?" John finally asked trying to break the ice.

Alaina looked up at John and tried to swallow the pain that she felt both at staring at John and thinking about her split from Joe. "He's doing well. We're both on the road at the same time actually. He's at another branch of his company doing work and I'm out here with Randy. I talked to him just yesterday and he's having a blast."

"What about you? You are enjoying your visit with us?" John asked hopeful that she wouldn't close off on him like she had before.

"Uh so far I am. Randall has been a wonderful host. He calls Sam every night, gives us girls a chance to gang up on him and we talk and catch up on our days and call it a night. It's been just what I need."

"So Sam knows about you? She knows that the two of you hang out like this?" Maria asked not bothering to put on any sort of niceties.

Alaina looked over at Maria slightly confused by her change of attitude so quickly and slowly nodded her head. "Of course she does, why wouldn't she?"

"I introduced them over the summer. They get along real well," Randy said putting an edge in his voice to let the whole table know that he was displeased with the implications Maria was beginning to throw out.

Maria shrugged and looked at Randy innocently. "I'm sorry Randy, I just know how you are with women. It just wouldn't surprise me if the two didn't know about each other."

Alaina looked over at Maria and began laughing. She needed a way to release the tension and she knew no other way than to laugh at the ludicrous behavior that Maria was exhibiting.

"Maria, I don't know what you're playing at but Sam and Randy have a wonderful relationship that you probably couldn't touch. They love each other more than any other couple I've yet to see and I wish that one day I could have that type of love," she said calmly, quickly cutting her eyes to John to see his expression. "I'm not some slut, or a two timing whore. You don't want to trust your man that is all your business and your prerogative. Just don't sit there and try to transfer it over here. Now, if no one minds let's get through this dinner without any more problems."

Randy looked on with a smirk and squeezed Alaina's leg underneath the table. "That's my girl."

"Al I'm sure that Maria didn't mean to offend you or Randy with her questions and comments. She's a curious woman, that's all."

Alaina looked up at John and nodded her head. "Of course John, but curiosity did kill the cat."

Randy smirked as Alaina stared intently at her menu. She wouldn't get outright angry, but she sure would let everyone at the table know that she was ready for a fight if one were to present itself.

John lowered his head to hide his smile at her comment before turning back to Maria who was trying very hard to conceal the angry pout that was playing on her face.

"See baby, we're all friends here. Pick out whatever you'd like to eat and I'll flag down a waiter," John said in an overly sweet tone placing a kiss to the side of her head.

Maria snuggled closely into John's side and smiled up at him. "Ok baby, whatever you say."

Alaina turned and looked at Randy silently pleading with him to give her some form of distraction from Maria who was making a very pointed, very public display of kissing and hugging John.

"You know what I just remembered Ally," Randy said giving her a reassuring smile. "You remember when we went to the beach with Sam that one weekend. It ended up being a horrible day."

Alaina laughed and nodded her head. "Yeah, you got bit by that random stray crab."

"Hey don't laugh that freaking hurt."

"Randall I warned you that the further you swim out the more likely you are to find a lost crab. It isn't the first time that I've heard of it happening you know. But you just had to be the strong athletic man and show off. Of course until you were whining about how much the bite hurt."

"And then it started raining out of nowhere and we all had to drive back to your place soaking wet."

"I don't know how Sam put up with all of your whining. I could at least walk away from you, but you had to follow Sam around like a lost puppy."

"Until you're yelling my name to go a kill a spider!"

"Hey, they are big and nasty and I hate them. I have arachnophobia and I'm not ashamed to admit it. Besides that thing was huge and practically hissed at me."

Randy laughed and shook his head. "No honey, you were hissing at the spider claiming it was trying to kill you."

John looked on as Randy and Alaina continued to reminisce about the numerous times that they had visited with each other. He wanted to be angry, he wanted to be hurt that he and Alaina weren't doing the same thing but somehow he couldn't. Something stopped him from being that way as he watched Alaina's eyes light up and her face break out in a large smile. This was what he wanted to see, what he was waiting for. She was finally starting to loosen up and show signs of who she was while she was on the road with John.

"John will you please tell Ally that she screams like a little baby any time she is around bugs?" Randy asked turning to John to include him in the conversation.

"Don't you dare tell him that John, you know that it isn't true."

John laughed and shook his head. "Sorry Al, I'm afraid that it is true. And since when do you let people call you Ally?"

Alaina gave a disgusted sigh and tried her best to keep a straight face as she gave Randy an icy glare. "I do hate that name. I keep telling him not to use it but he insists on being the only one allowed to call me Ally."

"And you let this big fool get away with it?" John asked skeptically.

"I make him pay for it in different ways. Don't you Randall?"

John laughed and sat back in his chair, for the first time during the night fully at ease. And as the four all ordered something to eat and waited for their meals it was a strange balance of politeness and true friendliness that carried them through the night. They treaded a thin line of overtly friendly and keeping on airs of maintaining a respectable distance between the two couples sitting at the table. And as Randy had promised whenever it got to be too much for Alaina he gave her hand or thigh a reassuring squeeze and steered the conversation into a more comfortable direction.

"Ally, aren't you going to eat? You've barely touched your food," Randy commented as he looked at the plate that was barely touched sitting in front of Alaina.

Alaina shrugged and gave a wobbly smile. "I guess being in the gym all day kind of wore me out. I don't have much of an appetite tonight."

"Al," John looked at Alaina seriously. "When was the last time that you ate?"

Alaina shrugged. "Probably this morning. I'm fine. Can we talk about something else?" She said fully aware the irritability in her voice was more than the situation warranted. Not that it was something that bothered Alaina. She was sick of people hassling her about eating or how much weight she had lost in the recent months.

"There's only one other thing that I am willing to talk about," Randy said fully turning to Alaina understanding that talking about her eating would only turn into a fight. "You get up there and sing."

Alaina looked at Randy and shook her head once more. "I already said no Randy. Besides no one else is going up there."

Randy looked at his watch and smirked. "That's because karaoke night doesn't start for another ten minutes. But when it does, you Ally, are going up there."

"Randy I already told you that I'm not going to do it."

John smiled at Alaina and took her hand. He had avoided physical contact for most of the night for fear of what Maria would think and how he would feel after the night was over. The small gesture of holding her hand was bringing a soft, settling sensation to John that he hadn't felt since he walked out of Alaina's office. It felt right to him, it felt like home, and it scared and elated John all at the same time.

"You have an amazing voice and Randy and I are not letting up until you go up there and sing," he said softly staring into Alaina's eyes. He knew that she would give in to him. She would go down fighting all the way, but she would give in. She always had.

"I don't care what you think about my voice I'm not doing it. The two of you are two of the sweetest people to me, and I do not doubt that you two are indeed exaggerating the ability of my singing voice."

Alaina smiled at John and rubbed her thumb over the palm of his hand thoroughly enjoying the fact that she was once more sitting with John, enjoying his company and feeling as if every else in the restaurant were slowly fading away. Her resolve was weakening and John knew it. Her inability to resist him was still there just as it was six months ago.

Maria grabbed onto John's arm and pulled it back until he was no longer holding Alaina's hand. Talking about old times was one thing, but watching him hold another woman's hand and have a look of longing was another all together. And it was one that Maria was not going to let happen, at least not in her presence.

"John baby don't badger the poor woman. She's already said no to both you and Randy. And like she said, with the two of you exaggerating it'll only serve to embarrass her."

John pulled Maria's hand off his arm and leveled her with a hard look. "What are you trying to do tonight?" he asked her finally coming to the end of his tolerance for Maria's snide comments and backhanded compliments.

Maria looked at John shocked and slightly hurt as Alaina and Randy looked on with amusement.

"I'm not trying to do anything John. I was just saying that you are pushing her to do something that she doesn't want to do."

"And we'd embarrass her? You are sitting here implying that she has no talent, anyone can see that. You barely know this woman and you're throwing every catty remark in the book at her."

Maria huffed and sat back in her chair none too pleased with how the evening was progressing. She fully intended to have this conversation with John in the privacy of their hotel room where if she began to work on John's nerves and pushed too far she would easily be able to seduce him and save the fight for another day. She didn't count on John calling her out at the table. He had never done that before with her.

"Well you seem to know her a little too well if you ask me," she bit out avoiding looking at the other three occupants at the table.

"Let's get this straight honey, I'm not asking you so stop making a scene about it," John said harshly before turning back to Alaina and Randy. "So are you going to sing Al?"

Randy smiled and winked at John before leaning on Alaina's chair and whispering in her ear. "I told you this was part of the plan. Now get your butt up there."

Alaina sighed and looked between John and Randy. She knew that there was no way out of it, and the only thing left to do was sing. She nodded and her head and sat back in her chair. "Fine, I'll do it, but I'm not going to be the first one up there."

Randy gave John a satisfied smile and laid a gentle kiss on Alaina's temple. "You'll be great honey."

John nodded his head in agreement. "It'll be wonderful."

Alaina looked around nervously and let her eyes settle on Maria who looked about ready to cry as she tried to ignore the rest of the table. She sighed and stood up. "Maria, can we talk for a second?" She gave a kind smile as Maria looked at Alaina in surprise. "It'll be real quick I promise."

Maria nodded and stood up to follow Alaina to the bar. She took slow deep breaths to steady her heartbeat. Maria was a highly trained athlete that knew how to protect herself without a problem. The nervousness that was passing through her was something that she hadn't experienced in a long time.

Alaina turned to the woman beside her as she saw Maria sank into the bar stool next to her.

"This is about John isn't it?" Alaina asked not allowing Maria a chance to speak. "You aren't comfortable with me around John."

Maria shook her head and lowered it a bit. She knew that her behavior during the night was not the best but something inside of her simply would not allow her to be nice to Alaina.

"No, it isn't that. I was just expecting the two of you to be semi-friendly. I was thinking that it wouldn't be a big deal when he saw you because the two of you never had feelings for each other, but that isn't true is it? I'm not comfortable with not knowing the truth."

Alaina cleared her throat and nodded. "You are right, you shouldn't be comfortable not knowing the truth, and you deserve to know it. It's also something that you need to talk to John about. I just want you to know that there is nothing between John and I. You have nothing to worry about—he's with the right woman."

"Tell me the truth Alaina, that's all that I want. Do you have feelings for John?"

Alaina swallowed hard wanting to scream out yes and that she belonged with John more than Maria. She wanted to tell Maria just how in love she and John were. The problem was that she wasn't sure it was true anymore. John sat with Maria, hugging and kissing her, defending her for most of the night. It killed Alaina to watch, and yet John did it. John had made his choice just as she had made hers. They weren't in love, they weren't together, and they weren't going to be any time soon.

"I did, at one point, but I made a choice and I stand by it. I just wanted to let you know that you have nothing to worry about. I'm not here to take John or anyone else. I'm only here to visit some friends," Alaina finished as she stood and walked back to the table effectively ending her conversation with Maria.

John and Randy both stood as Alaina made her way back to her chair. She tried her best to hide the fact that she was shaking, and that the short run in with Maria had left her heart aching and her head spinning.

"What's wrong Ally?" Randy asked as he leaned in to let her rest her head on his shoulder.

"Nothing is wrong Randall. I think it's time that I go up there and sing. But only on one condition, I'm doing it my way, and I'm playing it myself."

Randy nodded and stood up walking Alaina over to the piano. He talked to the band and kindly dismissed them all for the one song as Alaina made herself comfortable on the piano bench.

"Tell him how you feel baby," Randy told her before making his way back to the table.

Alaina sighed and nodded her head. She knew what Randy wanted to do, and in truth she finally wanted to do it as well. She had been holding back all of her feelings for John, and it was beginning to tear her apart. She couldn't remember the last time that she had a decent meal, or when she was able to sleep without dreaming of John. But it was time to begin letting him go.

Adjusting the piano microphone Alaina turned to the audience and smiled. "Hey guys, this is meant for only one man out there and it means a lot to me, so try not to crucify me too badly."

Taking one long deep breath she let her fingers begin to roam over the piano to the melody that she had memorized months ago. It wasn't the first time that she had sung in public, but it was the first time that she was about to be vulnerable with her emotions in front of a large crowd. Opening her mouth Alaina let the first few notes of the song flow through her softly and beautifully.

_Something always brings me back to you. __It never takes too long. __No matter what I say or do I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone. __You hold me without touch. __You keep me without chains. __I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain._

_Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity. __Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be. __But you're on to me and all over me._

_You loved me 'cause I'm fragile. __When I thought that I was strong. __But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone._

_Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity. __Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be. __But you're on to me and all over me._

Alaina took a deep breath and pounded on the keys letting her heart pour into every note that she played and sung. She let her eyes release the tears that had been pooling in her eyes since she had begun the song.

_I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you're everything I think I need here on t__he ground. __But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go. __The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down __Keeping me down. You're on to me, you're on to me and all over me. Something always brings me back to you, it never takes too long. _

Alaina stood and smiled as the bar erupted in applause. The tears were flowing freely and there was nothing that she had been able to do to stop it. Every word in that beautifully written song was tailored to her feelings for John.

"Al, I didn't know you played," John said as Alaina came back to the table.

Alaina nodded and sniffled back her tears. "Yeah, uh—if you'll just excuse me I—I need some air."

John looked at Randy confused and concerned. "Was she crying?"

Randy nodded as his eyes followed Alaina out of the door. "Yeah man she was."

John stopped Randy from walking after her. "I think this time I got it. I'll go after her."

Randy and Maria looked on as John quickly exited the bar. They both knew what neither one was going to say. John had been nothing short of enthralled and emotional as Alaina sat at the piano singing. He had loved everything from the way her sweater fell to one side of her leaving her small shoulder exposed to the way her lips curved around the microphone as she sang. John was still very much in love with Alaina.

"Al," John cautiously laid a large hand on her shoulder when he spotted her standing outside the bar taking deep breathes. "Back there—"

Alaina sniffled back her tears and cleared her throat. "It's just been building up for so long ya' know? I mean there was so much that we never worked out, never said. And I've just been trying to tell myself that I'm fine and that I'll be ok without you but I'm not. I need you John; I've needed you all this time."

John sighed and pulled Alaina toward him until her back rested against his stomach. "I'm sorry Al. It's just with everything that happened, and with the way things were I didn't know what to do. I mean you made your choice and I wasn't sure how to handle it."

"What am I missing John? Because you told me that we were on our way to being friends again. You told me that you were happy with Maria and was happy that I was working it out with Joe. What did I miss from that? I mean after everything that you said you walked out on me. You left me office and I haven't heard from you since. What happened? Where did I go wrong?"

John turned Alaina in his arms and hugged her tightly. "You did nothing wrong, it was me, all me. I'm so sorry honey."

"I loved you so much Johnny boy. And I can't keep kidding myself into thinking that I don't anymore, because I still love you as much now as I did then."

John lifted Alaina's head and smiled at her as he wiped her tears with his thumbs. Nothing felt more right than this moment, then having Alaina in his arms and making her feel better. He let his mind go blank and the wonderful, warm feeling that had been with him all night take over him. His head lowered and captured Alaina's lips with his in a gentle kiss. The same familiar surge of passion awoke inside of him and he deepened the kiss as Alaina sighed and molded into his body.

"Johnny boy," Alaina breathed heavily as they broke apart. "This can't happen. You're with Maria and I go home in two days."

"Then let me take you to lunch, or dinner, something."

Alaina gave John a light peck on the lips and smiled as she rubbed her thumb over his lips trying to get rid of the traces of lip gloss that was on his lips. "I'll think about it. Can you give Randy a ride back? I just want to leave, I think he'll understand. Good night Johnny boy."

John reluctantly let Alaina out of his arms and nodded. "Good night Al."

* * *

**And there it is, I hope that you enjoyed. So now show the love... Come on people I know that you're out there, now review please please please:)**

**Oh and of course the song does not belong to me it belongs to Sara Bareilles "Gravity".. amazing song, amazing artist, I wish I had that type of talent!!**


	4. Tell Me What's Inside

John sighed as he watched Alaina play with the small plate of fruit and yogurt that was sitting in front of her. Something was not right; he felt it deep down in his gut. She hadn't eaten dinner last night when they had gone out, and she wasn't eating now. Looking to his left he saw Maria sulking, still upset with their fight from last night. Choosing to ignore her for the moment John looked across the table and got Randy's attention.

"What is up with Al?" he asked with true concern.

Randy shrugged and dropped the fork he was holding onto his plate. "I really don't know. When I got back last night she was fast asleep, and this morning she said that she wanted to be alone. I asked her to have breakfast with me but she said no, she was going to get a little something alone and then go out with a few people to catch up."

John looked back over at Alaina and studied her for a moment. "How much have you seen her eat since she's been on the road with you?"

Randy sat in silence thinking and when he came up with the answer he frowned deeply. "Not much actually. She always said that she had something else to eat before I took her out."

"Randy something is going on with her that she isn't telling us."

Randy looked at John and sighed. He hadn't asked what happened between the two of them when John went after Alaina, and he wasn't sure it was totally his business. But whatever happened was taking a hard toll on Alaina, and Randy wanted to be sure that she was going to be alright.

"John, what happened between you and her last night?"

John's head swung around to look at Randy and give him a look of warning and confusion. He wouldn't mind telling Randy all that happened, although he was sure that Randy would chew him to pieces once he found out that John had made a move on Alaina. John was always as open and honest as good be with Randy. But to sit here and discuss the details in front of Maria was something that John was in no way prepared to do.

"Nothing happened, Randy, we talked, she said she was tired and she walked away."

"John, she woke up with her eyes practically swollen shut, something had to have happened."

"Randy," John said sternly. "I am telling you, we talked she went back to the hotel. That was all that happened."

Randy threw his hands up in the air and shrugged. "Alright man, if you say that is what happened then I believe you. But she's torn up about something and she certainly won't talk to me about it."

John stood up and laid a gentle hand on Maria's shoulder. "I'm going to go and talk to her. I'll see you both at the arena."

Maria turned to Randy with watery eyes and bit her lip trying her best to control the trembling that was beginning to take over her body.

"Is it something that I did wrong Randy? We've tried this twice now and it still isn't working," she said shakily.

"It isn't you Maria. He's just working through some stuff."

"Stuff, what stuff? What exactly does he need to work out? He left me once and then came back to me."

"Maria, you left him," Randy corrected her. "He loved you more than anything else and you couldn't believe it. You still can't believe it. The man is giving you everything that he has and you aren't accepting it. Whatever it is that you have with him you need to work out because that man loves you more than he's loved you more than he has anyone in a long time. "

"This time it isn't true though. He loves her more," she said turning to watch John and Alaina and falling silent.

"How are you doing Al?" John asked taking a seat next to Alaina.

"I'm doing fine John, how are you doing?" Alaina answered turning and forcing a smile.

"You aren't eating," John said simply getting to the reason for his concern.

Alaina shrugged and finally pushed her plate away from her. "I'm just not hungry right now."

"Just like you weren't hungry last night?" John questioned.

Alaina sighed and turned to John with clear impatience. "Can we talk about something else? Anything else."

"We need to work out what happened last night."

"Anything but that."

John chuckled and shook his head. "Al, we're working on borrowed time here. You're out of here tomorrow and I have no idea when I'll be able to get around you. We're working this out now."

"John, I think I said what I had to last night."

"No Al, we haven't even begun to cover it. Like I never got a chance to tell you just how much I love you," John answered in a low voice.

Tears stung Alaina's eyes almost instantly and she shook her head trying to keep herself calm. "No John, you don't. You have Maria, and you love Maria. We gave each other up for other people and that's the way it is. Just leave it at that. We go on our own separate ways and that's that."

"I won't let that be that, you aren't eating, you aren't talking; something is going on with you. All I want is for you to talk to me." John laid a hand on top of Alaina's hand and lightly rubbed with his thumb. He loved to feel her skin. Something about her made him need the feel of skin. He had to hold her, kiss her, and touch her, whenever he was around her.

Alaina stood up abruptly from the table pulling away from John's touch as if his touch were scalding or nauseating. She gave him one final look before running out of the restaurant. She didn't want to talk; she didn't want to hear that he loved her. She needed to believe that he was happy with Maria and they weren't meant to be. She needed to know that, for her own sanity, she hadn't thrown away the greatest man she had known to work things out with a man she knew she had no feelings for anymore. She had no interest in talking to John. She had no interest in talking about her feelings, or how screwed up things really were inside of her own head. No one needed to know that she found the thought of eating repulsive to the point that she had shut down her appetite. She no longer needed food, or craved food. And John certainly did not need to know that her road trip with Randy had been freeing for her simply because there would be no one watching her, worrying about her eating habits.

There was no family on the road that knew she had always bordered on being anorexic; no one to watch over her every last eating habits. She was free to restrict herself, her diet, the way that she had always wanted to since she was a teen. And there was no one around that could ruin that for her. Alaina could control her body, if nothing else. And no one, not even John, could make her ruin it.

She rushed to the elevator hoping that the doors would shut before John decided to catch up with her. John would indeed follow her that she was sure of; she just wasn't sure when he would. Seeing that the elevator was empty, Alaina sent up a small prayer of appreciation and took a deep breath to steady her shaky emotions. It would only be one more day; she could get through one more day.

John walked over to Randy and sat down in the chair next to him, whispering in his ear the situation with Alaina. Not that he was hiding anything from Maria; there was nothing to hide from her. Maria simply did not need to know anything about Alaina's personal life.

"Al isn't doing well. Something is going on with her. She's falling apart and she's too afraid to show it. What room is she in?"

Randy reached into his pocket and pulled out the hotel room key. "320. Get up there fast, she's probably trying to lock you out as we speak. And if you can find a way to help her, then please do."

John gave a reassuring nod and made a quick glance at Maria. He had all but forgotten about her. "Baby, you think that you can find a ride to the arena today?"

Maria sighed but nodded, trying to keep herself calm and swallow the envy that was building inside of her. "Of course I can baby, but why do I need to?"

"I have a personal thing that I need to take care of. I just want to make sure that you get to the arena without any problems."

"You mean Alaina. You are leaving me here to run after her?"

John gave Maria a hard look and kept the urge to scream at her buried deep inside. Their relationship was on a downslide and he knew that it was frustrating her. He also didn't need to make a scene that would be splashed all over internet chat rooms within the next day.

"I know that you don't understand, and frankly you don't have to. But that woman that just ran out of here, she needs help," John stated with a false sense of calmness that he simply did not feel.

"And why can't Randy help her? Let him go do it. He's the one that brought her here in the first place," Maria said angrily. The last twenty four hours between her and John had been horrible. They had fought, but never made up. She had tried her best to seduce him and it hadn't worked. Now he was leaving her high and dry for another woman. And if John expected her to let him do it that easily he would be sorely mistaken.

"Cena, I can go up there and talk to her. It isn't a big deal at all. She might be more comfortable with me anyway."

John held up a hand to stop Randy from talking. Randy was trying to play a peacekeeper and John did not need one. Right at that moment, his word was going to be law and that was all that mattered.

"It's a big deal to me. I should have never stopped talking to her. I made a mistake and I am finally going to fix it. Now," he said turning to Maria. "I'm going up there and I suggest that if you have a problem with that, then you get your own room for tonight. There's no room for arguing on this," John said heatedly before turning his back on them and making his way out of the restaurant.

Randy turned to Maria and sighed when he saw the tears in her eyes. She had been putting on the large attitude simply to hide just how hurt she truly was. He could tell that she was angry, the flames flickered in her eyes whenever someone mentioned Alaina; but most of all she was hurt. Hurt that John had chosen Alaina over her, and that something in their relationship had radically changed in a matter of days.

"He's just got a lot of unfinished business with her. There isn't anything going on between the two of them," he said trying to make her feel even the slightest bit better.

"He wants there to be though. For whatever the reason, he's running to her, and he'll keep running until he gets her."

"You don't know that though," Randy said moving close to Maria, laying a hand on her shoulder. "He's just having a hard time dealing with all the changes with Alaina. Things with the two of you will be fine and better than ever soon enough. Just wait and you'll see."

Maria shook her head, trying to keep from completely breaking down. "I wish I thought that Randy, but I know it isn't true. Something else is going on that he just isn't telling me."

Randy stayed silent as he rubbed Maria's shoulder willing the guilt he felt inside to disappear. It wasn't his place to tell Maria the whole story between John and Alaina. If John really wanted the relationship to work out with Maria, then he would tell her in his own time and his own way.

John gave up knocking on the door and slipped in the room key unlocking the door to Alaina's hotel room. He was hoping that she would open the door up for him so that they could talk. But after a few minutes of banging on the door, his hand was starting to hurt, and he knew that she was not voluntarily going to open the door.

John opened the door to find Alaina hurriedly zipping up a sweater and stepping into a pair of sneakers.

"Where you going Speedy Gonzalez?" he asked trying to keep the worry and aggravation out of his voice.

"Hotel gym, I figured I could get in a good workout before I run a few errands around town," Alaina answered airily not bothering to stop what she was doing.

John watched her near frantic movements as he nodded his head in acknowledgement and blocked the door. "I'm sure that you have tons to work off from that extremely filling breakfast that you just had downstairs," he said sarcastically.

Alaina rolled her eyes and fought not to throw something at his head. John was starting to seriously irk her. It wasn't that he was there with her trying to get her to talk, yet again. It wasn't that she was completely heartbroken over him. It wasn't that the very sight of John made her want to cry and break things all at once. What was truly aggravating her was the tone of his deep voice. There was rationality, confidence, and a hint of knowledge. He spoke as if he knew exactly how Alaina was feeling, what she was hiding, and what she was doing to herself. She hated the thought of John knowing anything about her. About whom she had become as of late.

"I don't need to 'work off' anything John. I simply want a workout. Is that a crime now?"

John sighed and crossed his arms over his large chest. "No one said anything about it being a crime but look what you're doing to yourself. I know you like how you look and that's great. I'm so happy that you feel good. And I'm all for working out consistently every day. I love it, you know that. It keeps me sane, so I know where you're coming from and how you feel. You push and you push till you can't push anymore; and then when you think you can't go anymore you push just a bit further. And you never feel as alive, and as great as when you finish your routine. It's a great feeling, I know it is. But look at what you're doing to yourself. You'll hurt yourself if you keep going on like this."

Alaina looked down at the floor and swallowed her tears. How could he know so much about her but not know the truth? She worked out every day, stopped herself from eating and pushed herself to the point where she nearly blacked out because she wasn't happy. She wasn't happy with her body. She wasn't happy with her life. She wasn't happy with herself at all. And the one joy she got was when she knew she had just finished a workout that would make most women cringe. It was her one high, her one 

time of peace. She couldn't stop, not for anything or anyone. It all stopped the moment that she stopped working out.

"Can you please just move? I have other things that I need to do today and I want to hit the gym," Alaina said trying to side step John knowing that it would be impossible.

"Do you ever just stop? Just take a second, slow down and breathe?"

Alaina looked up with scathing eyes and leaned against a wall. "I don't know. Do you?"

John took a quick moment to swallow his anger and control the outburst that was so close to happening. "This isn't about me Al. I may move at hyper speed but a lot of what I do is for me. I love my job, I enjoy it. I love working out. I have the ability to go in that ring and do what I am passionate about night after night. It sucks not being home more, and having this crazy life, but I wouldn't trade it in. I'm doing all of it for me, because it keeps me happy. Now you tell me, you do all of this because it makes you happy?"

Alaina let a single tears slide down her cheek before she looked up into John's eyes. "It's the only time that I can be happy. I don't know how else to be happy besides working out."

John gently took Alaina in his arms and walked her over to the bed. "You hold too much inside. Just talk to me."

Alaina shook her head but made no move to leave the comfort of John's arms. "I don't want to talk John. Talking is useless."

"Al last night we never got to figure out what's going on with us."

"There is no 'us' Johnny boy. There's only you and me. You have Maria, and that woman loves you so much. Don't mess with a good thing."

"What about you and Joe?"

"What about me and Joe?"

"Al if you tell me that you and Joe aren't together anymore and you want me then I'll go end things with Maria right now. The only that I think about is you. There's a connection that I just can't match with anyone."

Alaina sighed and leaned her head on John's chest. There were so many ways to respond to his statement. She could tell him yes and they could pretend that they were going to live happily ever after and hadn't hurt someone in the process. She could have her one dream of having John come true. But somewhere in her heart Alaina knew she wasn't ready. There was too many 'what if's', and loose ends hanging around. How could she say yes to that when she knew that Maria was not fully out of John's system, and that she at that point had nothing to offer but brokenness and pain?

"Do you love her John?" Looking up Alaina saw John's quizzical eyes and smiled. "Maria, do you love her?"

John nodded and answered without hesitation. "Of course I love her. I worry about her and hope that I can make her happy. But I'm not _in _love with her. I love her like I would love an amazing friend, or family member."

"Does she know that that's how you feel?" When John stayed silent Alaina sighed and continued on. "I didn't think so. And you can't tell her that either. You don't want to break her heart. This means that somewhere, deep, deep, down you are still in love with her. You still have a lot of unfinished business with her Johnny boy. You need a real end to the relationship. You need to feel it out and see if there's any way that it can be more than you're letting it become. You asked her for another chance and you need to do what's right by that."

"I am, and I've tried but I don't want to do it anymore. Ever since I saw you all I think about is being with you."

"The grass is always greener on the other side."

John sighed and pulled Alaina closer to him. He had wanted her to declare her undying love for him. He wanted to hear that she had left Joe and came back on the road to find him. But he got the typical Alaina response. She put her own feelings aside to do what was right by the other people around her.

"Then at least tell me that when we're both ready and available you'll be the first one breaking down my door."

Alaina laughed and patted John's thigh. "You know it big boy. Unless, I'm beaten there by some crazy stalker fan of yours."

John laughed and kissed the top of Alaina's head. "I know that you would never let that happen."

Alaina sighed and let a few tears fall silently. She had kept in so many of her feelings that to simply be sitting with John in silence was more comfort and safety than she had felt in months.

"Al," John said softly breaking the silence. "The song you sang last night, was that for me?"

Alaina nodded against John's chest but didn't say a word in response.

"Why not just talk to me? Why tell me that way?" John asked as he rubbed his hand gently up and down Alaina's back. He felt Alaina shrug but made no noise. If Alaina was going to talk he needed to make it clear that he would have no conversation with her until she answered his question.

"How exactly was I going to talk to you when you refused to pick up the phone? For months I have wanted to talk to you but you weren't there."

"Al, you've been here on the road for a week and instead of coming to see me you avoid me until the last possible second; then I find you getting up on some stage and pouring your heart in some song only to run away the minute I ask you about it. You could have sat and talked with me. Told me what you felt. Tell me what you're feeling."

"John there was nothing to tell. I had nothing to say after I sang that song."

"What about now?"

Alaina sighed and sat up a bit straighter. She needed to distance herself some John in even the slightest of ways. The feel of John's hard muscular chest beneath her was making her head spin. Soon she would lose all common sense and give in to every feeling that she knew was wrong.

"I still have nothing to tell John."

John sighed and felt the familiar surge of annoyance pass through his body. Pulling any sort of emotion out of Alaina was possibly the hardest thing that he had ever had to do. Especially since she had come back on the road; it seemed like she had worked overtime to suppress her feelings even deeper inside her than ever before.

Even though she was testing his small amount of patience John made no movement to let her go. He knew she was angry with him. She had plenty of reason to be. But if they could simply get past it, John was sure that they could be an amazing couple. Being with Alaina felt right, holding her felt like ecstasy and he was sure, if he ever made love to her, it would be nothing short of heaven.

"Al, can you for one minute stop being that tough, pulled together woman? Fall apart, right here right now. Tell me how you feel."

"The only thing that I feel right now John is the need to go and work out. I have a busy day today and as much as I love sitting here talking to you; I have to run and do my work before I get in trouble for slacking off."

"One of these days I'm going to call you on all of that bull and we'll see who's right then. I don't care what you say Al, I know something is going on. I'll find out what too, wait and see."

Alaina put on her best smile and stood up from the bed. "Johnny boy, I know that you are worried. And I actually find it sweet, but stop stressing yourself over it. And more importantly, stop stressing your relationship. I know what you're looking for, but you aren't going to get it honey. I can't just run into your arms and say 'oh John I love you and I can't live without you'. Not when I know that waiting around the corner is a perfectly sweet woman who is still very much in love with you. Go be with her John. It's what you chose."

John closed his eyes to keep tears from falling as he felt Alaina place a soft kiss on his lips. He knew that she was right. He had Maria, he cared for Maria, but all he could see was Alaina. It didn't matter that Maria was probably waiting to hear from him, or that she might be off crying, or building up her anger and resentment. He only wanted Alaina, and to him that was his world.

John stood up and rushed to the hotel door as he heard Alaina begin to open it. He had let her go so many times before; he couldn't let it happen now.

"I know that you are just as in love with me as I am with you, and I'm not letting you go this time," John said as he slammed the door shut once more.

Alaina looked into John's eyes afraid to speak or move. He seemed to keep her feet frozen to the floor although she felt nothing beneath her feet. John had said so much with so few words. But his eyes spoke more than any of his words. They were intense, and passionate. They held love and security. Everything that Alaina was looking for.

"John, we can't –" Alaina began speaking but stopped when she saw John shake his head. She was never one for following any form of demands; she barely followed through on requests. But something about John in that moment, his eyes, the way his jaw was set in a firm line. She knew to do as he said; there would be no other options at that moment.

"I don't want excuses. I only want you, and forgive me if I don't see it as a deadly sin," John said softly as he pulled Alaina towards him and covered her mouth with his.

Alaina wanted to protest and push John off of her. She didn't want to feel the large amount of desire that was sitting in the pit of her stomach. John belonged to Maria that was just the way life was at the moment. Every thought in her brain told her to stop, to not break Maria's heart this way. But the electric feeling that was surging through her whole body was rapidly winning out over sensibility.

His soft lips moving over hers was prompting her to do things that she knew somewhere deep down was wrong. And as she wrapped her arms around John's neck to bring him closer. And by the time that John had begun softly rubbing the bare skin on Alaina's lower back, she knew nothing except the pure desire to have John at that moment.

The sound of a throat being cleared and a soft knock on the door jamb broke Alaina and John apart. They looked over to find Randy leaning on the door looking something between worried and amused.

"I just wanted to make sure that you were doing alright Ally with the way you ran out of the dining room. I didn't know that I would be interrupting anything—I'm sorry," Randy said smiling at John and Alaina who hadn't yet fully broken apart.

Alaina finally took a large step back from John and looked at Randy quickly before her eyes fell to the floor. "You weren't interrupting Randall, John was on his way back to his girlfriend; and I'm fine Hun. You have nothing to worry about."

John stepped a bit closer to Alaina, stopping when she stretched out her arm to make sure that he kept his distance. "Al—can we go—"

Alaina looked up and forced the strength forward to look John in the eye without tearing up. "No John, go back to Maria. Just leave me alone, please?" She forced a smile and looked up at Randy. "Well, I'm going for a really short run before I start my day. If you need me you know where you can find me."

Randy nodded and watched Alaina walk down the hall before turning back to John.

"What was that about?" he asked as he watched John sit down on the hotel bed.

"Something is wrong."

"You mean besides the fact that I just came in to see you all over another woman besides your girlfriend?"

John shook his head and stared at Randy. "Al keeps pushing me away. Not because I'm with Maria but because something is wrong with her. There is something up, something going on with her."

Randy sighed and clapped John on the shoulder. "The million dollar question now is what is wrong with her?"

* * *

**_I'm terribly sorry for the long delay in getting anything updated. I've just had a few personal, and health issues (I know have a little collection of scars from surgery) that I had to get taken care of and I haven't been in the right state to write. But I'm better now, and I'll be keeping things updated regularly so forgive the tardiness but I hope you enjoyed the chapter. _**

**_And of course as always please leave lots and lots of reviews... It'll make my life that much happier :)_**


	5. I Am What You Want

John couldn't help the smile that played on his face as he watched Alaina's small athletic frame run at full speed on the treadmill. To him she was the perfect woman, physically and spiritually. In all of her flaws, John knew that she was perfect just as she was.

After ten minutes of pacing around the hotel room and listening to numerous warnings from Randy about how his relationship to Maria was about to fall to pieces; John had had enough of waiting for answers to simply fall into his lap. Always a man of action, nothing seemed right about sitting back and waiting for Alaina to crack. So here he was, in the hotel gym staring at Alaina. Trying to find the right thing to say to her when he finally got her attention.

Alaina looked up from the treadmill and sighed as she laid eyes on John. Which of her words, exactly, were minunderstood by him? She had no desire to talk to him, or see him any longer. She could not have John; now all she wanted was some time to forget him. She needed some time to forget all of the hurtfull messy emotions that surfaced any time that John was near her.

Stepping off the treadmill, Alaina walked over to John and placed her hands on her hips. "Are you following me around just to annoy me Johnny boy?" she asked with an edge to her voice that she truly didn't feel deep down.

In truth part of her was happy that John had taken the time to follow her and talk to her. She had been feeling alone for so long that had nearly forgotten what it felt like to have someone truly love her.

"We weren't done talking before. I figured that I'd come down here and we would finish what we started up in the room."

Alaina rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. No one was around to save her with poorly (or perfectly) timed interruptions. This time, Alaina had no choice but to face John.

"Don't you have to get to the arena soon enough?" she countered. Hoping the desperation to avoid this conversation was not as apparent in her voice as it sounded in her own head.

John gave a confident smirk as he leaned against a treadmill. Alaina let out another sigh and fought the urge to start staring at her feet. She knew that he had heard just how defeated she truly was. He was ready to push until she folded; and that would be soon enough.

"I've got two hours before I have to be anywhere. We've got plenty of time together."

"John I—"

"Take a walk with me," John said with a smile holding out his hand. His voice was gentle, but that didn't take away from the fact that it was indeed a demand. He was not taking no for an answer. He had come on a mission and would not leave until it was fulfilled.

"John I don't think that's a good—"

"One quick walk Al. After that I promise I will leave you alone until you want to see me again."

Alaina nodded her head moving quickly; zipping up her sweater and heading to the door before she could change her mind.

Exiting the hotel room, John took a deep breath of the crisp autumn air. Hoping it would calm the raging nerves he was trying so desperately to hide. It was still warm enough to enjoy some time outside, but the chill of fall sat on the wind as a reminder that colder days were fast approaching.

"It's so nice out today, for the end of September," Alaina said quietly as they walked along the streets. She had never minded silence while in the company of John. But the pounding of heart was a testiment to her nervousness. She couldn't stand the silence when she heard the sound of her heart in her own ears.

"It is a beautiful day no doubt," John agreed lightly. "But I didn't suggest this walk so that we could talk about the weather."

"So what exactly did you want to talk about then John?" Alaina asked impatiently. Her nerves had gotten the best of her, and her skin felt like it was about to crawl off her body in a thousand different directions. She couldn't stay in her own body. Not unles s John said what he needed to say and let her move on with her life.

"I want to talk about what you're doing to yourself," John said simply.

"John I don't want to talk about that. Besides I'm not doing anything to myself."

"Alaina," John began forcefully. "it's my turn to talk now. I've let you cut off any conversation that I have tried to start with you but it's not happening this time. We're going to talk and you are going to listen to what I have to say," he said making sure that there was no room left for any arguments.

"Ok talk, I'm listening," Alaina conceded, biting back a smile.

John took a deep breath and squeezed Alaina's hand a bit tighter. "I don't know what is going on inside that beautiful head of yours, but I do know that it won't be helped by starving yourself. Nothing is going to get better by you not eating. And don't you try to deny it. I've watched you all week and I haven't seen you eat more than a few bites at a time. It's scares me to think what is going on behind closed doors, or the enormity of what you are actually doing to yourself. You are a wonderful woman and a huge part of my life," John squeezed Alaina's hand in reassurance when he heard a scoffin noise coming from Alaina. "I mean it Al. You've weaved yourself into my life, there's no getting out. You know exactly who I am and you love me for that. I don't think that I have that with anyone else."

"John I'm not your only friend."

"You are the only woman that looks at me without expectations. I'm free to be me without being everything that you see on tv." John said very seriously leading Alaina down a quiet side road. "There's a pond down this way. I thought it'd be a nice place to sit and talk," John offered in explanation at Alaina's curious glance.

They both stayed quiet until the reached the pond and took a seat on a bench in front of the water.

"You are one of the strongest women that I have ever met. I don't know what happened to you, but this isn't you. Sitting back and giving in to whatever this is, is not you. I know it isn't. You were always ready to deal with any problem that came your way. Always ready to be Wonder Woman."

Alaina blinked back her tears and fought to stay silent until John was done. She knew that he was trying to help her and biting sarcasm would only cause a fight. But she couldn't help the angry thoughts racing through her mind. She was always the type to jump on the defensive when she didn't like what she was hearing and it was a hard habit to break.

"I'm not say that you have to be Wonder Woman all the time, or even at all," John added quickly seeing the sadness and anger cloud over Alaina's eyes. "I've seen you cry, and I know your story. I'm just saying that this whole thing is not you. You're quiet and withdrawn and you barely look at me. It's a battle to get you to laugh and open up. You're killing youself slowly and you know it."

"What do you want me to do John? You don't know my childhood or what I'm capable of. And what am I supposed to do about you? I can't tell you how I feel. I can barely look at you because I have Maria staring a hole right through me," Alaina snapped, letting out her anger.

"I'm not who you think I am John, I don't think I ever was," she said quietly staring at the ripples in the pond trying to calm herself. "I'm not Wonder Woman, I never was. And whether I like it or not you aren't mine to love. I'm doing what I can to deal with my life at the moment so forgive me if I don't live up to your high standards."

John rubbed a hand over his hat and leaned back on the bench. He was trying to stay calm when all he wanted to do was start to throttle the little woman sitting next to him. She never saw herself clearly enough, or understood what people meant to say whenever they talked about her. So how was he going to tell her exactly how he felt? How could he convince her that he wasn't waiting for her to become Wonder Woman and swoop in and save him?

"Al, I know that you aren't perfect, and I have no 'high standards' for you to live up to. All I want you to be is happy and healthy and right now you certainly aren't healthy. You aren't really sick but you aren't exactly well, and that's all that I want for you. And you're right. I don't know your whole past or what makes you all of who you are. And I don't need to know all of that right now. All that I need to know I've seen. You're a fighter, you keep going until you find the perfect way out for you. You don't just lay down and give up because life isn't what you want it to be. I love you exactly the way that you are with no exceptions; you are perfectly imperfect. Just think about what you're doing to yourself, that's all I'm asking."

"I'm not doing anything to myself," Alaina said stubbornly, not wanting to let John know how right he was.

"Al, look at yourself, you know what's going on. Now stop trying to deny it. Just think about it alright?" John stared into Alaina's eyes getting lost in all their brown warmth. He wiped a stray tear from her eye 

and gave a deep sigh. He had been fighting all this time to keep inside all of his true feelings, but seeing her now he knew he had lost the battle. He was going to tell her exactly how he felt. "Don't you know I'm always yours? No matter who I'm with I'm yours. Always and forever yours."

"What do you want from me John? What does it serve to bring me here and have me cry while you tell me just how much you love me?"

John gave a soft compassionate smile and watched as the wind whipped Alaina's hair around her face. There had always been something about her hair; the way that it moved, and flowed past her shoulders and framed her face. The careless way that it flew about her face made her all that more beautiful to John.

"Because I want you to do the same for me. I want you to tell me what you want. Tell me why you came here with Randy in the first place."

"You think you know me so well then tell me why. You tell me what I want and why I agreed to come here with Randy. Because I was under the impression that I came because I wanted a little time away from home," Alaina bit out trying to hold to her conviction of the words even though they rang false as they left her mouth.

Alaina hadn't come on vacation with Randy for no real reason. She had come hoping to find John wanting and missing her as much as she had him. She had come wanting to declare her love. But what she found was far from what she wanted or expected.

"Tell me the truth Al. For once just be completely honest with me. What do you want?"

Alaina gave an impatient sigh and crossed her arms over her chest. "What is it that I want? Because I don't know what I'm supposed to say."

"You want me," John said seriously giving a small smile as Alaina rolled her eyes. "You came out on the road to see if we could make it as a couple. You came here to try and get me," he gently cupped her face as he stroked her cheek. "Just say it Al. There's no one around but you and me. This one time, say it for me. I need to hear it."

Alaina closed her eyes and took in a long deep breath. Admitting her feelings to John would only make them all the more real. It was a confrontation that Alaina was not ready to have. She could not have John so she saw no reason to tell him what she was feeling. Until she opened her eyes to find John watching her with intense hopeful eyes.

She didn't know what to tell him. She was not sure that she believed hope even existed anymore. She had lost the simple ideas of hope and faith after she had lost her baby and her husband in a few months time. And it only seemed to get worse when she cost herself John after making her decision on blind faith that her marriage would work.

She wasn't sure if taking away John's small bit of hope or letting him keep it would be worse.

"John I—" with a deep sigh Alaina went against her gut instinct and raised her head looking eyes with the man she was desperately in love with. "I want you. I want you so much that I dream about it at night. I came here to tell you just how stupid I was to let you leave and never tell you how much I love you. Nearly six months since we've seen each other and I did was think about you the whole time. I came to see you and tell you all of that."

"So why didn't you?"

Alaina sniffed back the tears and rubbed her arms trying to keep the chill from getting to her. "Because of Maria. I can tell just how much she loves you. She looks at you with those eyes that say she only sees you whenever you're near her. I should know, I used to look at you with those same eyes."

"You're forgetting something very critical," John said smiling. "You have never asked me how I felt about Maria. She may love me but that doesn't mean that I am in love with her."

"We've been through this before John. You have things you need to work out with Maria. Whether it's breaking up or working through your problems. I'm not taking that closure away from her."

"What about you and Joe? Are you going to go home and tell him that you're in love with me? Are you going to tell him you're leaving him?"

Alaina stared at the pond and enjoyed the crisp breeze that was blowing around them. Something about sitting and taking in nature had always been able to calm and center Alaina within a few heartbeats. She prepared herself to say the words that she had always been so unwilling to say.

"No, I don't have to do any of that. There's no need, Joe moved out last month."

"You said that he was on a business trip.

Alaina nodded her head and kept her eyes fixed on the pond. "He is on a business trip. We still talk a lot. The marriage counselling helped us end things and stay friends. Ironic isn't it? Something to help us stay together helped us happily separate."

"Al are you sure that you're ok with this?" John asked as all other thoughts besides Alaina's well being left his head.

"Umm, I think I'm as ok as I can be. It hurts and I'm dealing with it, but I'm getting through it alright. Randy has really helped me through the worst of it."

"Randy knew?" John asked quietly as the truth of it all sank in. His friend, his best friend (the one that told John everything) had kept something this big from him. He hadn't let John be there for Alaina.

"Randy was the first one that I called after Joe left. I knew my family would just worry and smother me so I called Randy. I knew that he would simply listen."

John turned to Alaina and held back the tears as the feeling of betrayal sank deep into his chest. "Al why didn't you just tell me?" John asked trying to regain his composure.

Alaina sighed and looked away. She could in his eyes just how hurt and sad he was. "John how was I supposed to tell you? I gave up trying to get in touch with you after the first month of you ignoring me."

"You could have told Randy to tell me. You know that I would have been right there for you."

"If you were going to be there for me, you would have picked up the phone the first time that I tried to call you," Alaina said impatiently. "I'm not going to go out of my way to tell you anything when you aren't even willing to pick up the phone. So whatever you're feeling get over it because you are the only reason for your own disappointment."

John stood up and walked to the edge of the pond, kneeling by the edge and sighing. He knew that he was the reason the sinking feeling in his gut wouldn't go away. And that knowledge only seemed to add to the sharp pain that wouldn't subside.

"I know that I'm the only reason that we are the way we are right now. I know that I ignored you, but I didn't mean to. I was just so afraid of what to say. Afarid that you'd forget everything we meant to each other once I wasn't around anymore. I didn't want to hear how great your marriage was working out and that I had lost you forever. I was just scared." He turned and faced Alaina smiling at just how beautiful she was. "I'm jealous thoug and I can't help it. Randy just swoops in and takes my place and I don't know where I belong in your life. It hurts."

"I know it hurts, I hurt too. I hurt every time that I see you cuddled up next to Maria or I have to hear a snide comment from her lips. It hurts more to know that you are living happily ever after." She chanced a look into John's eyes and sighed. Confusion stood out foremost for an instant shadowing the loss and hurt that nearly took her breath away. "John I didn't end my marriage with Joe because we had simply grown apart. I ended it with Joe because I fell in love with you," Alaina said quickly trying to disguise the break in her voice from her emotional turmoil.

"I couldn't pretend that my heart was whole anymore. You took my heart John. So how do you think it feels when I see you with Maria? I gave up Joe and came here to try and tell you how I felt. Yet here I am alone watching you love another woman. Who do you think is hurting more?"

Alaina looked down after finishing her tirade, surprised at the level of animosity that had laced her words. She had never been aware that she was so angry over the way everything was. But she knew that from the tone of her voice that her hurt ran deeper than she had ever tried to acknowledge.

"I'm sorry John. I didn't realize that I was so angry about all of this. I shouldn't take it out on you. It's just the hand that fate dealt me."

John shook his head moving back to the bench wrapping his arm around Alaina's small frame. "No, no you're right to blame me. I acted more out of wounded pride than anything else. I was so used to getting any woman that I wanted that I didn't know how to handle rejection. I was too good looking, too much of a player to be shot down and not rebound," John said smiling when he heard Alaina's disbelieving chuckle and saw the shake of her head. "I went where I knew that I would be loved to lick my wounds. 

And I totally forgot all that you meant to me. It was too painful to think about you so I did all that I could to forget you. And you're right to hate me for it."

Alaina reached out her small hand, laying it softly on John's large arm. "John," she said softly, hating the broken look in his eyes and sound of his voice. "I don't hate you. It's not in me to hate someone as good and loving and devastatingly handsome," she added knowing it would get John to laugh. "as you are. You did what you could to make life better for yourself. We've both made mistakes and we have to live with the consequences. We have to roll with the punches."

"Roll with the punches?" John asked thoughtfully.

Alaina nodded and turned her attention back to the pond watching the geese swim around and hassle the small children for bits of bread. "Yeah, I'm tired of trying to figure everything out and make everything fit into what I think seems rational. I just have to start taking life as it comes and stop fighting every step of the way. I am only going to miss out on the good if I keep concentrating on all the pain."

"So instead of over analyzing and thinking through every last thing; you're going to sit back and enjoy the ride?

"For the most part, yes," she said smiling and wondering what was going through John's mind.

"No fighting it?"

"No."

"Just relax and enjoy what you can right?"

"That's what I just said," Alaina said laughingly. Slightly exasperated with John's sudden fondness of repetition. "Have you taken to being my personal parrot?"

John let out a short burst of laughter and shook his head. "I just want to make sure that I'm understanding you completely."

"That's never been a problem before. You always seem to know what I'm feeling and what I mean. "

"I just don't want to get in trouble with you."

"Get in trouble for what?" Alaina asked confused and slightly afraid. She knew John was unpredictable and the look that sparked in his eyes told her that whatever he was planning she would not approve of.

John shrugged slightly and gave Alaina a dimpled grin. "Rolling with the punches," he stated. His smile growing even wider.

Alaina opened her mouth to question but was cut off by the sudden presence of John's lips upon hers. Startled Alaina leaned back hoping to gain some sensible part of her brain back. She knew that what was happening was wrong. John was in a relationship, a serious relationship. And she had never condoned 

nor participated in any act of cheating. She knew they needed to stop before it was going to get completely out of control.

"John," she whispered breathlessly on his lips between kisses. "this isn't right."

"It feels right."

Alaina laughed lightly and pulled back noting the hazy, lust filled look that was in John's eyes. "No it doesn't feel right. It feels very wrong. I am not going to do this while you are involved."

She heard John's groan and shook her head. "I know that you have more integrity than you are showing right now; and no matter what you say I know you feel the same way. I want you Johnny boy, but I want you all to myself. I'm not going to share you."

John stared at Alaina for a long moment trying his best to gauge Alaina's emotions. Her words had been more forceful than he had expected or ever remembered her being. And he wasn't quite sure how to handle it. Had she been trying to tell him that she wanted him to leave Maria?

Opening his mouth John couldn't decide what to tell Alaina. It was either telling her that she was absolutely amazing for thinking of everyone else's feelings before her own; or tell her that she was completely and utterly infuriating for never giving him enough insight into her feelings to know for sure exactly what she was feeling. Unsure of what to say, John shook his head to clear his confused thoughts and grabbed Alaina's hand.

"Let's get back to the hotel so I won't be too late tonight. Can I give you a ride?"

Alaina lifted her brows in question. "A ride to where?"

"The arena, aren't you going tonight?"

Alaina shook her head and gave a comforting smile, staring into John's eyes. "No, not tonight. I'm just going to sit in my room with my books and spend some quality time with me. I think I have a lot to think over."

John gave a disappointed nod and stayed quiet as they started a slow walk back towards the hotel.

"Johnny boy," Alaina said quietly, hesitating to break their comfortable silence. "It's not that I don't want to go to the arena. I just—I—it's been a long day and I need some time to decompress."

"I understand. I have no right to feel the way I do, I know. But I just found you again and I don't think I'm ready to let you go. Even for a few hours."

Alaina laughed and rubbed a hand comfortingly up and down John's arm. "You are going to have to get used to it. I'm leaving tomorrow you know."

John sighed and wrapped his arm tightly around Alaina's waist. "I know Al, I know. But can you blame me for not wanting to think about it? Whenever I'm not with you I just don't feel whole. I feel so—"

"Incomplete. Like half of your soul just suddenly went missing," Alaina finished quietly.

"Has that happened before? I mean to you?"

Alaina shook her head "No," she admitted shyly. "I used to miss Joe like crazy. I would be lonely when he was gone and wish that he was back home; but I didn't _need _him or _crave _him. I didn't need him around to feel like I was alive."

"I miss you all the time Al."

"I know Johnny boy."

The pair stayed quiet until they reached the door to Alaina's room. Even with haven taken the walk at a very slow speed they both felt the desperate need to stretch the moment just that much longer.

"Everyone is going to be looking for you soon enough," Alaina finally said as she began to lose herself in John's love filled blue eyes.

"I know. I guess I'll see you tomorrow before you leave?"

Alaina nodded and let go of John's hand immediately missing his gently firm touch. "Take me to an early dinner tomorrow?"

John smiled wide, for the first time that afternoon letting his smile reach his eyes. "I'll have to rearrange some things but it would be my pleasure," he said kissing Alaina's palm and making his way down the hall.


	6. We Have All Night

John looked at the time on his watch and kept an annoyed grunt from passing through his lips. He loved his job, loved his fans, his fame. He was able to do amazing things with it. But it was times like now and days like these that made him wish that he could be a nobody; just another person walking out of a restaurant.

It had taken him forty five minutes to break up the crowd of fans that had gathered around for pictures and autographs. All he wanted was to check up on Alaina quickly before she fell asleep. Now it was more likely that he would find her asleep than awake. Neither way would make much a difference to John if he were honest with himself. All he really needed was to see her face and know that somehow they would manage to find a way to be together. All he would admit to though was the need to look after her as a friend would do. He could do no more than that. She had made that more than clear to him that very afternoon.

He lightly fingered the room key that was sitting in his pocket. Alaina hadn't asked for it back and neither had Randy. He wasn't sure if Alaina even remembered that he still had a key but Randy he was still confused about. He seemed to smile and give a form of approval the more John and Alaina worked things out. Not only did he give his approval but he was working out ways to push the two together.

John had been unsure about going to visit Alaina until Randy had enthusiastically clapped him on the back and assured him it was the best thing to do. He had said it was either John drop in on her or Randy drop by later. John shot the idea down before Randy finished voicing it. He would be the one to make sure that Alaina was ok tonight. No one needed to know about their afternoon stroll. And the longer that Alaina stayed away from Randy the longer it stayed their secret. This meant that John could save himself the self analysis Randy would certainly make him go through.

With a deep breath and a soft knock on the door John slipped in the room key and slowly opened the door. He knew she would be asleep; but the scene before him caused a large smile to break over his face.

She had three different books spread out in front of her as she lay on her side fast asleep. One large, rather worn book lay open in front of her while the others were off to her side closed. John couldn't help his curiosity. He knew that Alaina wrote in her free time. She had always called it her outlet for her emotions. The one way she knew to process whatever had been happening in her life at that moment. And John wanted to know how she wrote. What she wrote about. It was a window into the very heart of her that she had never willingly shared with him.

He slowly sank onto the bed and stroked the hair out of her face that had haphazardly fallen everywhere while she had been sleeping. She had wrapped herself in a large hooded sweatshirt as if she was freezing yet she wore small exercise shorts. It was as if she couldn't decide whether she was hot or cold.

She seemed fine. On her face was a peaceful expression, as if nothing that day had bothered her at all. There was no evidence that she had cried at all. Only that she kept herself busy with writing and books for the night. John let out a sigh of relief as he grabbed a worn looking marble notebook and sat back.

Opening it up to find Alaina's neat script John knew he had found her poetry book. She had promised time and time again to let him look at it when they both had the time. It would be better if she was awake to agree, but at least her embarrassment would not voice any objections to John actually reading it.

He flipped to the very last page and stifled a laugh when he saw that everything was dated. Alaina truly loved to be organized with every aspect of her life. Even the ones that were supposed to seem a little chaotic, and crazy.

The entry was dated that very night and John smiled to himself. Without reading it he knew that in every way he had inspired her latest poem. He was not confident or smug about it; he only felt whole and fulfilled knowing that he occupied her mind as much as she had his.

With one quick glance over his shoulder to make sure that she was still asleep he let his eyes fall onto the page and started reading the poem. And all of his hopes and expectations about getting insight into the very core of Alaina were far exceeded. He was no literature major, or very good at doing critical analysis over pieces of writing. He had no need to be though. It was obvious in every word of her poem that she was indeed in love with him and that it hurt her more than he had yet to realize. The knowledge both made him smile and upset at the same time. How could she have kept it all locked away for so long? He knew that he had screwed up but didn't know that over the course of the last six months she had been so burdened by all her self-doubt and pain.

John sighed and laid the book aside. She was a wonderful writer, he thought. She poured her heart and soul into anything that went on the page and it was blatantly obvious. In a way the he did not know how to do, she evoked emotions from the words on the page. He wanted terribly to know all that was going on in her head; but it hurt more than he could rationalize to know that she was fighting so hard to not want him so badly.

Reaching for a small leather journal that sat next to the marble notebook he sighed and opened it up. He was no longer worried about invading Alaina's privacy. He knew that she would share with him anything that he wanted to know. All that was written in the poem had been expressed in a lesser degree that afternoon as they talked. This journal did not seem like a second book of poems though. And as he looked through he realized that they were all song lyrics. Some from songs he knew and some from songs he had never heard. He laughed again when he saw once more that things were dated. He wasn't quite sure why she did that, but it was exactly like her and he found it endearing.

Flipping once again to the last page of the book John saw that there were two songs that had that days date on top of the page. He wasn't familiar with either of the songs but the lyrics made him smile all the same. The one that caught his attention was the one that was titled "God Loves Ugly".

John sighed and smiled. The lyrics seemed to be tailor made to fit Alaina perfectly. And the thought that she was writing down lyrics about feeling even slightly better about herself was something that made John feel lighter than he had in weeks. He had been right when he had seen Alaina change as if a weight had been lifted off of her. And that knowledge took away all his anger and frustration.

Seeing Alaina shift around in bed once more John took the books and neatly stacked them on the nightstand. She needed her rest and John needed to come face to face with Maria and the fact that she would be as angry as he had ever seen her.

Sitting at the desk for a minute John tore off a piece of hotel stationary and wrote Alaina a quick note. It was obvious that she was tired and would not be waking up any time soon; but he wanted her to know that he had stopped by to see her. He loved her too much to be able to put into words, but the simple actions he made; he hoped that they would be enough to show her just how she felt.

* * *

Alaina woke up to the buzzing alarm of her phone. There was plenty to do during the day before she had dinner with John. She didn't even know what time that would be but she knew that she was looking forward to it more than ever.

Groaning, she stretched out her sore back and wrapped her hoodie tighter around her body. She was always cold when she woke up in the morning. Shivering she kicked her legs from under the comforter and sat up. Slightly confused she did her best to try and remember what had happened before she fell asleep. Nothing was where she had left it. She remembered grabbing her journals, writing a poem and then writing down a couple of song lyrics that described how she had felt over the last few days. Then she had grabbed her collection of Jane Austen novels and got comfortable enough so she could hope to fall asleep quickly.

She was not under the covers, and her books had been scattered around on the bed. Turning she saw now that they were stacked neatly on the nightstand. Something had changed while she was asleep she just wasn't sure what. Her mind first went to Randy. It would not be the first time that he had found her asleep with books everywhere to straighten them up and then put her under the blankets.

In fact since announcing her impending divorce from her husband it almost become common place for Randy to drop in late at night unexpectedly and tuck her in. He had taken to becoming her personal guardian; making sure that she was taking care of herself physically and emotionally. Too many times she had cried on Randy's shoulder about losing Joe and John.

Her eyes fell instantly on the small note that was sitting on top of her books. Picking it up, she immediately recognized the untidy script. It was from John.

_Al, I got here too late and you were already asleep. I love your poems, better than I ever imagined, and I want to hear that song that you put in your book last night. Be ready for dinner by five, I'll see you then. –John_

Alaina groaned and chuckled at the same time. She hated people seeing her writing because she never felt it was good enough. It was a part of her soul that she was sharing every time she put words down on paper. For someone to read it and criticize it was one of her greatest fears. It was also very like John to take something that she had agreed to in passing and do it when she was unable to object to it. She should have known that he would never let her say no to him.

Glancing at the clock Alaina grabbed a pair of clothes and changed quickly before heading out of her hotel room to do the last minute errands that needed to get done before she left.

* * *

John was lucky enough to find Maria fast asleep when he finally made his way back up to his hotel room. She was his girlfriend and deserved his attention and respect; but as tired and confused as he was by all that had been said between him and Alaina, he had no desire to face her. Waking up was not going to prove as lucky. Maria sat in the bed glaring at him until he was up long enough to clear his eyes and sit up before she began to fight.

"John, I know that you said you were going to dinner with Randy, and that's fine but you got back way too late. And you didn't even bother to talk to me at all yesterday. You ran off to go talk to _her_," the anger in Maria's voice was unmistakable. John did not fail to notice that she had choked and been unable to even pronounce Alaina's name.

I get a ride to the arena thinking that I'm going to see you there but I can't find you anywhere. What do I get? I get a text message after the show is over that you're going out. What is going on with you John? Are you cheating on me?"

John stared at the generic white hotel comforter as he searched for the right answer. He knew that physically he had not fully cheated on Maria. Yes he had kissed Alaina, which was mainly to prove a point. To show her that there was still love and passion between them. He also knew that if Alaina had not stopped them he would have indeed taken her in every way that day. He wasn't even sure if he would be able to feel guilty about it. So what did he say to Maria?

Here sitting next to him was a woman that was desirable to most men (and even some women) on the planet. She was extremely athletic, smart, and creative. In every way she seemed like the perfect woman for him. She had waited until he came back to her to ask for a second chance and had put everything into their relationship. He should feel guilty, should feel something beyond indifference right now. He wasn't sure if it was his lack of sleep or the realization that his feelings for Alaina would eclipse everything else.

"Maria, I am not cheating on you. Why would you think that? You know that I'm not the type of man that would do that."

"All that I know is that every time you look at that _woman_ you get that look in your eyes; The look that you used to give me. Ever since she came back on the road you've been different. And I am not about to lose you to someone who is just here for a quick visit."

John sighed and put his head between his hands. It was far too early to have this type of conversation with Maria; especially since it was quickly going to turn into a fight.

"Al and I are friends. Yes, we almost had a little something going on but that was a while ago and she called it off. She made her choice and I made mine. We've had a great few month's together right?"

"Nearly six months John, we've had nearly six month's together."

"And they were great right?" John pressed again. He knew that no matter his lack of feeling for Maria, she still deserved to be treated with kindness. Especially since she had been holding him together while the absence of Alaina threatened to tear him apart.

At her hesitant nod John continued on. "I love you Maria, I really do. I'm sorry if I hurt you yesterday, I didn't mean to. But there is one thing that you have to remember. Alaina has become and will remain a very large part of who I am. If she's in trouble I'm going to be there for her. Be careful about what you say, and never make me choose."

His words were simple and his tone was definitive. Maria knew that although he had said what she wanted him to say, he had just told her that Alaina was coming before she was. And if he were made to choose between the two she would certainly be on the losing end.

He went into the bathroom and got ready for his day without another word to her. She had seen the love that radiated off of him when he had looked at Alaina; but losing him again was simply not an option for her. Somewhere deep down John loved her. Being _in _love with her was not something that she needed to be necessary at that point. He would grow to appreciate having her around. And that was all that she really wanted at that point in time.

"Would you like some company in there baby?" Maria asked mustering as much as her coy demeanor she dared without seeming foolish.

"Not today. I've got a lot to do this afternoon. I just need to relax right now and enjoy the time by myself."

"Are you sure?" she asked peeking around the curtain to see the large expanse of his back glistening from the water. "It could be fun." She reached out to touch him until she noticed that he had shied away from her touch.

"Maria, I told you, I just need a few minutes alone."

"Right, sorry baby," she said trying to keep her optimism and bubbly voice front and center. He had never rejected her like that before and the pain that caused her was more than she had ever imagined it could be. "What about dinner later?" she called to him now standing by the counter.

"I've already made plans. Maybe after the show we can get a late snack or something."

"John, you know that I can't eat too late, it screws up my diet and I can't go gaining weight."

"Sorry, I forgot."

Maria looked down at the floor not understanding what was happening. She could hear in his tone of voice that he was rolling his eyes. She was so in love with this man, and up until a few days ago she believed he was totally in love with her. Now she could do nothing but stand ten feet away from him feeling like there was an entire ocean between them.

"Who are you having dinner with?"

"Alaina. She's leaving tomorrow so we're going to have dinner together tonight before the show."

"Don't you have appearances and stuff to do today?"

"Nah, I have a couple interviews and some photo shoots but that's it."

"So, you are doing everything early so that you can have dinner with her?"

"Yeah, it's just tonight. Tomorrow she's leaving, and I really want to have a proper goodbye."

"You mean you want to screw her before she goes back home."

"What?" The world came out as practically a growl. But he did not care. Screwing? Screwing. Maria had just said that all he cared about with Alaina was screwing. The word echoed in his head over and over and over.

"That's why you are going through all this trouble right? Just to get her into bed."

"Leave, Maria."

"John we have to talk about—"

"Leave, now. I'm warning you because the minute that I walk out of here is the minute that I tell you exactly what I'm feeling about you right now, and you do not want to be here for that."

"John—"

"Leave," he roared letting the full volume of his voice ring through the bathroom. "Get your stuff and leave. Don't come back."

"No, John why would you say that?"

"Anyone who can say that all I am interested in is to _screw_ someone that I truly care for is someone that I do not need around. Leave."

"I'm sorry," the words were all but a whisper, and they made no difference to John. But to Maria they were the beginning of a heartbreak that would never compare to anything else.

John took slow deep breathes until he heard the door open and close some minutes later. He hung his head and tried to keep his guilt down to a minimum. He didn't mean to be that harsh but what was he supposed to do? Compared to what he really wanted to say to Maria, he was very mild in dealing with her.

He knew that she wouldn't just let that be the end of their relationship. She would show up at some point and try to work things out. It would be then that he would have to have a long talk with her. He had been willing to try and see how things would go between them when he crawled in between the sheets last night. There was something about the instinctive way that she curled around him that made him feel loved. Loved enough to hold out a bit longer to see if they could get back what they used to have. But he couldn't do that anymore. Not knowing that he was able to start screaming at her for no reason in particular.

The argument played over and over in his head as he did all of his appearances and interviews. Maria deserved more than he gave her. He would need to fix it. The question was when. Did he give it some time to settle down, or go to her right away and tell her that he couldn't be with anymore? Not when he knew now that he was so unwilling to let Alaina go.

Before he had even processed that he was running around town promoting the pay-per-view he was in his car being driven back to the hotel. Checking his watch he tried to keep from getting aggravated. He was running behind schedule. And his plan to at least have a small talk with Maria would have to wait. All he had time to do was go back to his room and grab a change of clothes before heading to Alaina's room.

* * *

Alaina bounced around listening to music before taking a shower. She had made sure that everything was packed twice, and visited with the few people on the road that she was friendly with. She had done everything on her list. And as it got closer to her dinner with John she was getting more and more nervous. The only thing that she was waiting on was Randy to show up. He would either slap some sense into her, or get her out of her head long enough to make her realize that she was worrying for nothing.

Sending a quick message to Randy to stop being and diva and head over to her room, Alaina closed the door to her bathroom and turned the shower on as hot as she could stand it. She stared in the mirror while the bathroom was heating up. There was nothing really to think about. She knew how John felt about her, and she knew that it was possible one day they would actually end up together. For now though, all she needed was to know that John was going to pick up the phone if she was going to call him. Or that she would get a response if she were to ever send him a message. Knowing that she and John were back on the right track felt better than she realized it would have.

Standing under the hot water was proving to be enough of a relaxer for Alaina. She was able to start clearing her head and realize that what she and John were doing was effectively beginning a relationship. No there might not have been a label on it; both were unwilling to give their tenuous relationship a name. All they wanted was each other. It was that simple; and that complicated.

How could she go on a date with him? How could she allow John to romance her when he was involved in a relationship already? She knew how it felt to be so completely devastated by losing the man that you loved. There was no way that she would be able to do it to another woman. Even one that seemed set on making her seem like a complete fool whenever they were in each other's company.

Alaina had stood in the shower letting her guilt consume her that she jumped when she heard the hotel door open. She wasn't expecting Randy for at least another twenty minutes. She was surprised that she had spent that much time in the shower.

"Randall," she called out shutting off the shower and wrapping herself in a towel. "I didn't think that you would be showing up so soon. Or did I lose track of time and stay in the shower too long?" She continued talking loudly so that he would hear her without giving him time to answer. "I don't know which one it is. It doesn't really matter anyway. I was just standing there thinking about how guilty I feel. I asked out another woman's boyfriend! If I ever had someone do that to me I think I would have to cut her up a little bit. I mean it's cheating. I'm the other woman. Oh God I'm the other woman!"

John sat on the bed in shock. He had walked in expecting to announce himself, or even come face to face with Alaina. Instead he had come in and allowed Alaina to rant as if she were actually talking to Randy. He didn't know what to do. Did he call out to her? Peek his head in the bathroom and tell her that it wasn't Randy? But all that he could see was Alaina's embarrassment putting a damper on the whole evening. She was starting to get panicked though and he didn't know what to say to her that wouldn't make it seem like he was being deceitful or sneaky.

"Just calm yourself down Ally, I don't want to have to go in there and tell Sam that I saw you naked. That would be—"

"Eww Randall, do you always have to be so crude? Besides, you only get one peek per lifetime," she said laughingly.

Randy laughed both at the look on John's face and Alaina's reaction. The shock factor was what he was going for on both ends. John had looked so pleased to see the door open and know that Randy was there to calm her down, but a simple comment had made him see green with envy.

"Aww, come on Ally, you know that something that could needs to be seen more than once. Just one quick peek?"

"Ha! You wish buddy. I'm not gonna be the one to tell Sam that you went off spying on naked females. You can do that honor."

"Happily enough. Now tell me, are you still nervous?"

"Guess not. You're too good with that whole distraction technique."

"It comes in handy when dealing with you."

"I'm not that much of a handful. And before you even roll those pretty blue eyes I suggest you stop. I'm an extremely easy going person."

Randy and John rolled their eyes together smiling at each other. Alaina was plenty of wonderful things. She loved to have to fun, she loved to joke, and they knew no one better at taking care of everyone around her without giving any complaints. She was not, however, easy going. She loved to manage every detail in her life that she could. She stressed out when she wasn't able to. And if you said the wrong thing to her on a bad day the best thing to do was keep your distance before she was smacking you and sending you to the bathroom to spit out some blood.

"Do you think that I should just go for that blank tank top I have or do the vest? I don't even know where we're going so I have no idea what to wear."

"Do the vest," Randy yelled back smirking at John. "You'll thank me," he said quietly to his still shell shocked friend.

"Alright, close your eyes, I don't have my stuff in here I wasn't expecting you to finish rubbing oil on yourself so soon."

"I only do that for shows, you know that!"

"Randall!"

"I know I know, close my eyes. I got them closed," he said after a minute lying back on the bed staring up at the ceiling.

John wanted to assume the position that his friend had taken but he didn't know how to move. The idea of seeing Alaina without clothing was far too tempting.

Alaina walked out of the bathroom letting out a small sound of surprise as she saw John sitting on the bed with his eyes on trained on her.

"I didn't know that you were here, I would have hurried up a little bit more. How long have you been here?"

"Uh, not too long. Sorry, I didn't want to interrupt the long distance conversation between you two," he said smiling trying to concentrate on anything else other than wanting to rip the towel off of her.

"Sorry about that, it's just something that we started doing once he starting popping up unannounced."

"Hey, I wouldn't have to do that if someone would answer my phone calls," Randy said sitting up and pointing at Alaina. "Oh please, close my eyes over you in a towel? Like I haven't seen that before? Like I haven't seen you in less."

"Well forgive me if we didn't go through the 'show me yours I'll show you mine' phase together and I still feel a bit weird."

Randy muttered a simple "whatever" before flopping back down onto the bed to stare at the ceiling. Alaina rolled her eyes and quickly bent down to pick up her clothes. It was another time that she was glad to be so small. The hotel towels could cover her up relatively well and she wouldn't have to worry about showing anything that she didn't want to show.

"I'll be ready real quick. Just give me like twenty minutes. I'm sure you can entertain yourself."

John nodded his head and waited until she was back in the bathroom before smacking himself in the head and throwing himself down next to Randy. "What is wrong with me? I can't even get two sentences out of my mouth."

"You're a guy, you're not exactly thinking with your head when there's a hot chick in a towel in front of you."

"I've slept in the same bed as her and everything and never have I been so—soo - "

"Completely horny? A raging sex fiend?"

"Thanks, not exactly what I was going for," John said annoyed. He was in truth, none of those things. He was floored by Alaina's natural beauty, but that didn't make him want to satisfy his own sexual desires. The opposite had actually happened. He wanted to please her, show her what it was to be loved by him.

"You should just be happy that I showed up when I did to start talking to her."

"I know, thanks man. I walked in and she just started yelling stuff out. I didn't even know what to say to all of that. She actually thinks she's the other woman."

"Isn't she? You guys were all over each other yesterday. If I hadn't walked in when I did, I might have been look at a whole different scene. And let me just state for the record that there is not a single part of me that wants to see any part of you naked and doing- " Randy shivered letting his words trail off.

"I don't know really. She's the only woman to me. I just completely forget that there's anyone else besides Al when we're together."

"I get that, I do. But she's right. You're in a relationship and taking her out to dinner. For Ally, that's huge, it's so wrong that it's something to pray about and confess about afterwards. For you it might be nothing but to her it's everything."

"I threw Maria out today," John confessed quietly. "She kept on about Al, and that I just wanted to screw around with her before she left. I couldn't handle it so I threw her out."

Randy didn't know that to say to that. He could understand John's frustration, but he had no idea what would make him throw Maria out like that. They had a long history together that simply couldn't be ignored. He knew that Maria would not give up so easily. He just hoped she didn't leave any collateral damage in the process. So Randy did what he always did when he wasn't sure what to say. He said nothing at all. And they laid on Alaina's bed in silence each lost to their own thoughts until Alaina came out of the bathroom and cleared her throat.

"Should I leave you two lovers alone? Not that it isn't wonderful to have two gorgeous men in my bed at once but I don't want to intrude on your alone time."

"Oh shut it you tiny terror. That mouth of yours never knows when to quit."

"Just how you like it," Alaina laughed giving Randy a wink while putting her stuff away.

"Alright you two, I'm getting out of here. I have to go and call my girl and get away from all this weird sexual tension you two have going on. Call me if you need anything," Randy whispered quietly while hugging Alaina goodbye. "You look great by the way."

"Thanks, I'll see you later tonight for my flight."

"Nope, I changed it. You're flying out tomorrow afternoon, so you have all night to—ya know—do—whatever."

"Thanks Mr. Awkward. Get out of here and tell Sam I said hey."

When Randy had said goodbye to John and closed the door behind him, it was only then that the two took their time to look at one another and say their hellos.

John looked over Alaina with hungry eyes. The small tight vest that she was wearing was leaving little to the imagination. Even with the tank top that she had on underneath. And her jeans, when did they start looking like they were painted on? He couldn't imagine sitting across from her all night without devouring her.

"Is this ok for tonight? I can try to find something different if it's not."

"I'm not sure if you should change or not."

"Why, does it not look good on me?"

"What? Please, don't be crazy. You look great, way too sexy. That's the problem. How can I take you out with that vest thing, and those jeans, and those boots? Everything about you right now just screams at me to rip it all off. I'm gonna wind up getting in a fight tonight over you."

"Don't be silly. No one is even going to notice me when they'll be too busy looking at you."

"God I hope so," John said letting Alaina walk in front of him so he could admire the way that she looked in her jeans and knee high boots. He knew that even if she had never felt truly sexy, there would be plenty of men looking her way all night long. He was just glad that they would be sitting most of the night for a nice dinner and that she wouldn't be given a chance to show off just what her body looked like.

"Come one caveman. Let's go get a quick bite before we go to the arena."

"We?"

"I have the whole night to be here, so why not spend it with the man that I want to most? Like old times?"

"I would absolutely love that," John said smiling and pulling Alaina to his side. He had all night to admire her in her ridiculously, wonderful tight outfit. For the moment the only thing that he wanted to do was hold her tight like he had done before. And for the first time that day he didn't think of Maria, or what it would be like when he ran into her backstage at the show.


End file.
